Top 5 election based publicity stunts I'd like to see

#5: Modi should release a comic book chronicling the exaggerated version of his childhood

 
 
Oh...wait a second. Nevermind!



#5: Modi should build the Great wall of India


Building an iron statue of the iron man of India? Well, looks like someone's been playing a lot of Age of Empires. It is true that building an epic monument is the best way to keep the serfs from revolting, but this idea is not grand enough. What India needs is a wall, a Great Wall outlining the perimeter of the entire country. A wall is a more practical solution to India's problems than a gigantic statue or pyramid. Firstly, it'll keep out the likes of Ajmal Kasab(or maybe trap him within?). Secondly, it’ll keep the illegal immigrants from our respectable neighboring countries at bay. Thirdly, and hopefully not lastly, it’ll prevent those pesky Tsunamis from attacking any part of the country. And while we’re at it why not make one that can be seen from the moon!
Die hard supporters of Modi who spend their time loving him online in the privacy of their dark dingy rooms can do some actual work for a change. As for the farmers, laborers and cattle-class in general, instead of giving up their precious tools, they can give up their sweat and blood to build the wall. And if they even give up their lives and actually die hard during the construction of the wall, then they can be buried right underneath it. Only to be brought back to life to fight as Modi’s army of the undead. What a meaningful end to their pointless lives!
Once it is finished, the Great Wall of Modi will be his legacy for future generations. Our children will gaze upon Modi’s massive erection and say 'kitna bara toin hain…' and their mothers will agree, ‘bara hai toh behter hai’
Remember, you can’t spell PROGRESS without spelling COLOSSAL ERECTION. Oh wait, you actually can. Funny how that worked out.

Note: If you’re a Modi ‘fan’, this is the point where you foam at the mouth and close the browser in sheer indignation and not read the rest of the article. Have a nice day!

 

#4: Arvind Kejriwal should fix the hole in the ozone


We all know that corruption can be eradicated in India by just pressing a button. The location of this button is known to all but only politicians can reach it because they have ‘law’ tucked comfortably inside the pockets of their Nehru jackets(the proverbial hands of the ‘law’ being very long). Thus they refuse to press the button unless there is an obvious political mileage such as appeasing a vote bank. 
Enter Arvind Kejriwal! He promised to press the button and make the corruption go away at the blink of an eye. Where the hand can’t reach, the broom can, apparently.
Yet, it's been months and several thousand blinks of the eye and Kejriwal still refuses to press the button. Obviously, this is because he's an American-Congress-Naxal-Terrorist-Martian super spy who only wants to tell lies and eat kittens.
Though the massive internet joke campaign did weaken him considerably, he will once again swear on his children that he wouldn't get a haircut and proceed to cut his hair and eat kittens. I can only see one form of redemption for this fallen angel.
Kejriwal should first promise to close the ozone hole. Secondly, he should publicize his first promise by a second bigger promise: to stop all evil. Then he should punch aforementioned evil through the ozone hole before closing it up and stitching it right in front of live cameras. It would be desirable if he finally praises god and kisses his children for extra brownie points. Then and ONLY then, will I trust this man who violated my false sense of patriotism.
Until then - "If Kujliwal is AAP, then who is BAAP?". Hee hee hee!
 

 

#3: Rahul Gandhi should take selfies

 
Let's face it, no one likes Rahul Gandhi. He's sported as the young dude of the party yet he does nothing that befits young people. He dresses in the same old clothes the politicians have been wearing since Mahatma Gandhi told them to burn all their jeans. He isn't drinking mountain dew and hi-fing people as he walks by. He also isn't net savvy like the other young people (Narendra Modi, Shashi Tharoor etc).
For starters, he can post mundane photos of him from a close up angle, aka, selfie. It worked for the Pope didn't it? It turned him from hapless leader of the pedophile cult to Time magazine's Dude of the year.
He can take selfies of him pretending to eat at the homes of poor people, pretending to understand what poverty means, pretending to listen at any political gathering while eating a lillipop and for dramatic effect, use the pallu of his mom's saree to frame his shots. These are the things we already hate him for and the power of the selfie will turn that frown upside down.
On the contrary, perhaps then, the youth will start taking him seriously and decide that they can go skateboarding with him. Perhaps then, he will be invited for all the parties the cool kids are having and he can take 5000 photos of himself at said parties. Perhaps then, I shall take him seriously.
On second thought, no, it's impossible to take this clown seriously.
 

 

#2: Sonia Gandhi should go Brangelina and adopt a child


Sonia Gandhi has really bad luck. First she got stuck with the Indian Margret Thatcher as a mum-in-law. Then her hubby got his face blown off my some unattractive Tamilian girl. And now, she stuck with Robert Vadra’s wife and a buffoon for children.
She’s also being heralded as the harbinger of corruption in India, since her rival party is squeaky clean. Not being born in India did not help her image either. Indians hate Indians, but we all hate non-Indians with a passion, simple because they’re non-Indians.
Before the Swiss banks start getting less liberal and start revealing details of their stored plunder to the world, Ronald McDonald and illustrious Gandhi family must go through an image makeover. Not lipstick or hair colour, but Mrs. Gandhi should go Brangelina and adopt a child(Bad idea for Mr. McDonald since we know he loves children in the wrong way).
For some reason, the country is still fascinated by children. How else can we become a country containing 1/6th the population of the Earth? Since Mrs. Gandhi is too old to nurture a child, she should adopt an older child.
Uday Chopra is a great option as she’s shown an affinity towards retarded children. How about Shashi Tharoor? That guy's good for a laugh, though in the written format it’s limited to 140 characters. But Mr. Tharoor has proven himself pretty fly for a white guy having women throw themselves at his feet. The competition will be too much for Mrs. Gandhi.
Maybe she can adopt a chimpanzee. How can that go wrong?
 

 

#1: Poonam Pandey should strip naked at India Gate if AAP wins Lok Sabha elections


What would the world be without over glorified models desperately seeking media attention by any means necessary other than acting well in movies? But let’s forget about Shah Rukh Khan for a while and focus on the star of…well, uh…not sure if she actually acted in any films.
Poonam Pandey said she’d strip in public if India won the world cup. Did that happen? I’ve searched the internet but couldn’t find anything. Possibly because I get bored in 5 minutes and log in to debonairblog.com.
The supposed underdog for these elections is the AAP, this being their first major elections et al. Is someone playing the Rocky theme song while Kejriwal is doing push ups? Wouldn’t it be great if they actually won? I’m just tired of every elections always being a clash between Godzilla and King Kong(my apologies to both monsters for the analogy) where we have to pick either of them. How about we pick the new kid in the block? If for no reason, simply because we’re tired of the usual suspects.
Once AAP does win and starts chasing cockroaches with their brooms, Poonam Pandey should honour them by stripping in front of India Gate in Delhi. Why her and why that location?
It’s been a while since she’s been on the news. It’ll be great publicity for her. Also, the question people of all aspects of life – rural, urban, white collar, blue collar, communist, capitalist, will give the same answer to is “Do you want to see a naked woman?”. The altruistic act will bring our nation together under the leadership of the new government.
The soldiers who’ve given up their lives so that you can watch reality shows and eat KFC, would be turning in their graves with high torque after having their memorial desecrated in the Pooamest way possible. Harnessing the rotating corpses of our long gone jawans would bring a new source of power generation and thusly decrease the use of fossil fuels and dependence on USA.
In short, environment is protected, Rupee value goes up, Aam Aadmi will govern the country and you would’ve seen the boobs of a twenty two year old.
The only non-NSFW photo of Poonam Pandey on the internet
Image source: Glamsham wallpapers
Jai hind!

2 comments:

  1. CHECKCHECKCHECCCCCCCCCK to all of them.
    Especially rahul gandhi selfies yo!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come on! You just want to see Poonam Pandey nekkid, don't you?

      Delete

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