My exit interview (this was my ACTUAL goodbye mail)

< BCC Unintentional, I wanted to put it under 'To' but kept the wrong text bar>

So let us start with something generic about your last 2.5 years.
My last 2 years 6 months and 24 days has been a journey of immense experience and intellect and blah blah blah. Seriously, I can’t do this bullcrap.

Ok, so how did you join this company?
They came and scooped up most of us and threw us in a truck. Reminded me of the alien invasion movies where the aliens needed to harvest the humans’ brain.

Tell us something about your training in Mysore.
No!

PLEASE tell us something about your training in Mysore.
That’s better. Mysore DC is an awesome place. They have all the best facilities and expect you not to use it. Only the Phunshuk Wangdu-esque people both scored well and had fun, bless their souls to burn in hell. The rest of us either had the time of our lives, or was stuck in that 3 letter mega structure working hard and studying something which they won’t later use in our randomly allotted projects.

So you are saying that the training provided was not optimized.
No, I’m saying that our training made us ready to face any challenge throw at us by the outside world. I mean, just yesterday, a guy desperately asked me for directions in JSP format to get to the hospital. My main stream was Mainframes but I was also trained in Java. So I was able to help him out at his time of need. Even though I haven’t touched Java EVER in my company, my training saved a life in the real world and for that I feel like a God.

Did you say Mainframes?
No, I said many more things, weren’t you listening?

I meant, are you proficient in Mainframes?
If by proficient you mean almost got kicked out of training(multiple times) since I couldn’t get what those hieroglyphics on black screen meant, then yeah, VERY proficient.

I’m guessing you liked Mainframes.
Totally, I liked it so much that I thought of writing the main exam twice.

How happy were you when you got posted.
As happy as an H1N1 virus when it finds a moist warm host during the winter months.

Really?
Nope. But at least my friends were around in the same location. I mean, it’s not like they just randomly throw everyone to every other location into some department randomly, not considering what they were trained in. I’m sure they take into account what we are good at or where we might NOT want to be posted and how friendship might be the only thing that’ll keep us alive through the upcoming hell.

So how good is your location?
The city, as always, is the heights of awesomeness. Then the sub urban areas around the city are nice. The outskirts of the city are ok I guess. If we survive the nuclear test sites and deep jungles, we will get to enjoy our office located in the middle of nowhere(read : very cheap land).

Did the location help increase productivity?
Definitely! You need to travel a couple of light years to get there. Once there and you find out you have little or no work for the day, you’d be too dead to go anywhere else and just sit there chilling in the AC. So the office looks full at all times. Aesthetic productivity, you see.

Even otherwise were you being productive?
I don’t like to kid around, so yeah, I’m a bad employee. I do my work at my pace and don’t care. I don’t proactively open my mouth for them to insert next task and/or excretory organ. I don’t take enough initiatives to gain domain knowledge as it is boring as hell. I do not feel like reporting each and every trivial matter to my superiors so that I can make them and myself feel important. I do however have excellent communication skills which are of absolutely no use to anyone.

Were you at least available all the time ready for work?
Mostly I’d sit around reading Wikipedia, but I was informed as to how much of a terror threat that would be. I agree, since all that excess of information will make our brain cells active again thus hindering the process of obediently listening to mundane instructions. Now I just sit in my cubicle eagerly waiting for work. If I get bored I’ll maximise and minimize the window and try to get my fastest timings.

So your relation with your superiors are….?
More awesome than my family. They make sure that every small effort I take is ignored, even if I just mention it to them directly. Thankfully, all my errors, repeated or individual, are noted and mentioned to me at every turn of my wonderful life.

We’re running out of time here. Is there anyone you wanna thank before leaving?
I’d like to thank my family for supporting my decision to unplug from this system. I’d like to thank God, and the Devil also, since without him God would just get bored from not having any rival.

Any shameless self-advertisement?
Keep checking my blog : venaied.blogspot.com

Make fun of my photos : attemptsatphotography.blogspot.com
Promote my webcomic : www.yourangsthere.com

My number remains unchanged but my last cell drowned, so I don’t have all your number. Feel free to pull pranks on me since I most prolly don’t have your number.

Last few words?
Drink lots of water, listen to your parents at times, have a great CLIFE and fuck you all!