India needs a colosseum

Source: Wikipedia; In case you didn't know what the Colosseum is

Since culturally we're regressing back to the time when Jesus Christ was born and/or a violent patriarchal religion was being created, how about we take a lesson of those times from the jolly old Roman civilization. Why the Romans? They were ruled over by a dictator as well. I guess I spoke too soon. The most patriotic man in India isn't the dictator yet.

Now how 1.2 billion people are going to fit into a a single elliptical structure(approx 22.5Kms long and 17 Kms wide; 75000 acres base - actually calculated), I'm not sure. But they'll fit them all in there. Once they're in, the quality of the programs are of the utmost importance as shown below in the monthly schedule.

Statutory warning

We can't start any event without your Government telling you that you're too stupid to survive life and need constant nagging to prevent your own imminent death. We can have 'I am Mukesh' guy come from time to time, followed by a sign which says 'And Mukesh died two weeks after...again'.

Only after this message is given and surely would've affected the audience, can the vendors selling pop corn, carbonated drinks and cigarettes. 

IPL

Where would India be without having commercialized junk food cricket shoved down our collective throats EVERY MONTH. Since cricket enthusiasts and other jobless people have more than enough money and time in their pockets, it's a great good time we give it to those richer than us. 

Starting with the auctions, where the players will be displayed at the podium where you can see there faces when they know exactly how much they're worth(unsold players will be auctioned off to the Aam Admi for doing household chores till next season). Then we move on to the pseudo science of strategy and Siddhu bouncing about making sounds. Once we're done with all the jesters, we can actually have the game. Followed by the players having their after game parties right there in the arena. The demanding game schedule and alcohol poisoning will ensure that the players die before they hit 24, bringing us fresh and new talent whom we can criticize. EVERY. MONTH.

Rape and punishment

This would be a classic case of deterrence by example. Ensuring that the girls selected are as modernly dressed as possible(they were asking for it) while at the same time attractive(else who's going to be interested). 

Once the deed is done and they've both caught their breath, the audience can protect the girl from the privacy broaching interrogation of the policemen and other authoritative figures by directly asking her questions about it - What all was she wearing? What all was she not wearing? What did he do? What exactly did he do? How did she feel? Did she like it? Are they related?(Husband-wife doesn't count) Will they be exchanging numbers afterwards? 

This way all those who were sitting in the back won't miss out a thing. The police or court won't need to question her and report it to Aam Admi either as we got first hand information of assault. They wouldn't need to eitherways, since the man will be beaten, hung, castrated, shot, scalped, waxed, sent to outer space, returned, disintegrated and given ONE TIGHT SLAP so that our collective righteous anger will be vented in the right direction.

This will discourage women to wear anything other than chastity belts and refine their characters for protection and deters rapists from raping(which they can't 'cause of the chastity belts, but if they do it, it's not their fault).

Education

Aren't you tired of how education is so uncensored with all it's bloody wars, the dark ages, science and thinking. Who needs all this western style education and English eitherways when you got everything that ever was and ever will be written down in the holy scriptures.
Which holy scriptures? Well, all of them, I guess. That's right! Ancient religious pedophiles split the atom, knew about the big bang and invented sliced bread way before science was ever created by their respective gods.
While the scriptures are being repeated over and over again, the young minds will decipher the code behind the words and figure out trigonometry and physics equations and other things discovered much much later by those damn westerners. Obviously, those scriptures contain all the information that will be discovered by the English man for centuries to come, it just isn't revealed yet so that they won't steal it and win their noble prizes and beauty pageants. 

Homosexual gladiators

Yet another deterrence of an unnatural and disgusting behavior. Those dirty characterless men(since women together are sexy) should be clad with loincloths and oiled up for a spectacular melee weapon combat.
Two men should be pitted against each other with no protection except their massive swords. It'll be real balls to the wall action. While the men try to thrust their sharp weapons at each other, the crowds will cheer them on. Until one of them will plunge his pointy thing deep into the other one, so much so that latter chokes and gags on bodily fluids. Things will get real messy when destroying that asshole from the inside, he deserved it! 
Sphincter.

Politics

Who cares about that stuff? We're having too much fun with all this entertainment. I don't care who's putting toxic chemicals in my water or destroying my forests as long as I don't have to think and can have fun. What? That guy over there is awesome 'cause you said so? Okay! I like him and have no reason to criticize him. Why do I like him? FUCK YOU! You're just here to spread hate and thinking. Go away! Leave my country alone!

Let the games begin!