BJP Manifesto: First draft

All image sources: Wikipedia for Modi, Indian Cow and Ayodhya.

1. Form a coalition Government to gain power. Blame allies for not keeping up most of the promises mentioned below.
2. Growth growth and more growth. How? Viagra, that's how.
3. We must rebuild Ram Temple in Ayodhya (It's not that this'll be the ultimate talking point)
4. We must nuke Chiang Mai as they claim the ruins in the location to be that of Ayuthayya. We all know there is only one Ayodhya.
5. Every history text book will be replaced with verses from the Vedas.
6. Every book will be replaced with verses from the Vedas.
7. Every license plate number will be replaced with verses from the Vedas.
8. Sex can only be performed for procreation.
9. Sex can only be performed in the missionary position.
10. There will be zero tolerance against terrorists and terrorism in general. That is all. No further details on the implementation of that statement.
11. Beef will be banned along with the state of Kerala, which'll henceforth be considered as a part of Pakistan.
12. Every household will raise a Cow and pray to the cow everyday. Cow can be purchased from the Government at subsidised rates. 
13. Maintenance of the Cow will be the responsibility of the household.
14. Any property found without a Cow will be considered a forfeit and the land will be given to Corporates for free in the name of progress.
15. Any property found with the Cow deceased due to natural or unnatural causes will be considered a forfeit and the land will be given to Corporates for free in the name of progress.
16. Any property found with the owners having committed suicide due to the inability to bear the costs of a Cow will be considered a forfeit and the land will be given to Corporates for free in the name of progress.
17. English will be a banned language. All movies, books and logic in English will henceforth be considered hazardous for the country.
18. The word  'Secular' will be replaced with 'Homosexual'.
19. The inflation and other economic things can be solved by prayer and doing the same thing the Congress claims they'll do. Except they won't do it. And neither will we.
20. Every good thing will be a by product of Team Modi.
21. Every bad thing will be a by product of UPA.
22. Every random thing will be a by product of AK-49.
23. All sexual deviants must be removed from the nation so as to prevent un-Hinduisation. They will all be given tickets to leave the country, courtesy Malaysian Airlines.
24. All atheists will be sent to Saudi Arabia.
25. All Muslims can go die will be ignored will be thrown a bone to chew on will be personally hi-fied by Modi.
26. All puppies will be lined up and a road roller ran over them.
27. All those without a photo of Modi in their house, will be given a free Modi tattoo.
28. All Indian Muslims are to be traded with Pakistan Hindus by the end of the year. There are exceptions to this rule:
1. AR Rahman can stay as he has won an Oscar award. But awards from the US are useless to us. But since he won it eitherways...
2. APJ can stay since everyone likes him. Also, he follows the Vedas which makes him more of a Hindu.
3. Farhan Aktar can stay if he wins the Film Fair awards.
29. All citizens are urged to not question any of the above mandates, under threat of political isolation and fusion with Pakistan.
30. All citizens will be mandated to supply their iron, mud and bones for constructing the over sized statues of Freedom fighters approved by the party. Each monument will built at the capitals of the rebelling states.
31. Hindu hindu hindu growth growth? Growth growth Modi growth, Modi Modi. Modi Hindu Modi Modi. Modi!
32. MODI!

Ab ki bar, Modi Sarkar.