A bad road isn't inefficiency. A bad road is opportunity. For whom? Stop being such a doubting pessimist!
Let's start from the beginning when a daddy road loves a mommy road very much and people want to drive their stupid cars to the stupid malls to do stupid people things. But when they buy their stupid car and plan their trip to the mall 20 meters away using Google Earth, they realise that the terrain between where they are and where they want to be isn't stupid car friendly.
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| Sources: islands.com, ibnlive.com |
So they plop to the ground and beat their arms and legs about for about 400 years before the Government realizes that it's election season again and they need to satiate the serfs.
The government releases the Kraken and the PWD department. One is a monster that consumes endlessly and gives nothing back to society but pain and destruction, the other is the Kraken(if you didn't see that coming, you better power off your system and go lie down before you hurt yourself).
After needlessly wasting time on a survey using a stick and a packet of biscuits, they take tea breaks till the budget is exhausted.
People harmed : None
People benefited: The PWD
Finally, the PWD decides to call in the specialist. The contractor!
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| Sources: milkthefranchise.com, neatorama.com |
The contractor has two objectives in life:-
- Make a profit
- Make a profit next year
The contractor makes a huge profit by taking all the money he's gotten to build the roads, and depositing it at the bank. Then going home and taking his children's chalks, grinding it and laying it down on the ground. BAM! Insta-road!
People harmed : None
People benefited: The PWD and their families, the contractor and his family
In places where it rains a lot, the chalk powder will get washed away in 5 minutes. In places where it doesn't rain, the people who're starving will eat the chalk powder within 5 minutes.
People harmed : None
People benefited: The PWD, the contractor and hungry people
Finally, you got your road and you can go to the mall, right? NO BITCH! You fall into those pot holes and break a leg! Blood every where! Wait for the ambulance. Keep screaming. Still waiting for the ambulance. Kids are taking photos of your misery with their new smart phones. Where is that ambulance? Your photos have gone viral. Just kidding! Who'd want to see your photos? Is that the ambulance?
People harmed : You
Finally, you got your road and you can go to the mall, right? NO BITCH! You fall into those pot holes and break a leg! Blood every where! Wait for the ambulance. Keep screaming. Still waiting for the ambulance. Kids are taking photos of your misery with their new smart phones. Where is that ambulance? Your photos have gone viral. Just kidding! Who'd want to see your photos? Is that the ambulance?
People harmed : You
People benefited: PWD, contractor, hungry people, jobless rich kids
Since the insurance system is only making it's way to India from the US, you'll be treated for your injuries.
Uh oh! It's a private hospital. So they're gonna have to run a few hundred tests on you. It's normal to check your internal organs when your hand just got severed off. Stop crying you baby!
Since the insurance system is only making it's way to India from the US, you'll be treated for your injuries.
Uh oh! It's a private hospital. So they're gonna have to run a few hundred tests on you. It's normal to check your internal organs when your hand just got severed off. Stop crying you baby!
People harmed : You
People benefited: A LOT of rich people
Meanwhile, you get the estimate for repair work of your vehicle. You instantly die of a heart attack.
People harmed : You
Meanwhile, you get the estimate for repair work of your vehicle. You instantly die of a heart attack.
People harmed : You
People benefited: A LOT of rich people and a mechanic
So do you see why complaining about the road makes you a selfish prick? Bad roads benefit far too many people for the universe to care about your little complaints. Quit being such a spoil sport.
So do you see why complaining about the road makes you a selfish prick? Bad roads benefit far too many people for the universe to care about your little complaints. Quit being such a spoil sport.
I feel so enlightened! We want more potholes!
ReplyDeleteAnd fast! Vote for the correct candidate for this election.
DeleteHint: Pick the fattest.
hi vinay,i watched your performace in chennai punchline.you are a performer(i mean it) but i beleive you have more potential than doing just humour that is humour with insight like what george carlin did.i like your rant. I like to watch more of your performance....
ReplyDeleteWell, Anon person, you've easily made my day with your comments. Thank you for the George Carlin reference as he's one of my idols. But he got there after years and years on the stage. I'm still a kid. I hope to be THAT good some day. Until then, read my blog, tell your friends to tell their friends and stalk me on FB to find out when I'm doing shows and tell me nice things afterwards(those count).
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