The HIV infected blood in Pepsi hoax

I saw it on flash news. Dont drink the pepsi products they are contaminated by a company worker who has put his HIV blood in some of tha bottles. No one knows where it has been distributed so b careful

Here's a detailed scrutiny of the above statement(not the bad grammar)

"I saw it on flash news...."

Really? Did you really see it yourself? Or did you HEAR it from someone who has seen it on flash news? "Me frie...I saw a UFO yesterday!"

But I really did see it dood!

You seem to be confident person, so tell me, how come the news channel that broadcasted the flash news still haven't posted it on their website? Don't look at me, check it out yourself.

"....saw it on flash news...."

Remember the Bird flu? An epidemic isn't broadcasted on flash news, it'll be all over every news channel competing for your attention and their ratings. When a huge corporate is involved, the media has much to chew on so they would never miss the chance now would they?

But nowadays media is after trivial news na? They leave this kinda stuff to social networks only!

Imagine an alien space craft landed at the centre of your MG Road during rush hour. This could be the single most significant event in the history of mankind. Every commuter has gotten out of their vehicles and are taking and uploading photos of the spacecraft via their cell phones. 

If you were a reporter coincidentially standing at the scene, would you:-

a)      Start taking snaps as well and provide exclusive coverage of the event to your news network for a shit load of money.

OR

b)      Shrug and think "Meh! FB and twitter has it covered. I'll just keep taking photos of these Amitabh Bachhan toe nail clippings in the trash"

"....Dont drink the pepsi products...."

So can I still drink 7up, Sprite, Fanta, Mirinda, Thumbs Up, Banta, Bovonto, Campa Cola, Appy Fizz, Grappo Fizz, Limca, LMN and Tropicana Twister? Thank God for capitalism eh?

"....the pepsi products they are contaminated by...."

For a company that caters to most of the world, you'd think they'd have enough sense to have a massive recall rather than being sued and loosing face and market percentage world wide. Just because of some sociopath in their company.

But maybe they don't care about the Indian market no!

Really? For India's Consumers, Pepsi Is the Real Thing - September 16, 2010, Businessweek

"....contaminated by a company worker...."

Pepsi manufacturing is NOT done by humans. What you are imagining is a factory with workers stirring the liquid in a huge barrel and manually filling it into bottles which come along on a conveyor belt. That would probably be true as some black and white footage of the process several decades old. No 'worker' would be able to have manual access to anything except the raw ingredients which would be filtered anyways.

".... put his HIV blood in some of tha bottles...."

For the last fucking time, AIDS can only spread through 3, repeat, THREE ways:-

1. Unprotected penetrative sex thing(but you already knew that and are thinking about which porn site to browse right now)
2. Blood transfution or sharing of needles(directly from blood stream to blood stream)
3. Mother to child via pregnancy which for some reason can be avoided some of the times now.

Even if you drink infected blood or infected body fluids (why the hell would you?), your stomach acids will kill the virus.

But what if we have cuts on the inside of our mouths?

The virus can only infect you if it enters DIRECTLY into your blood stream. This obviously means, much like most techies, the virus can't survive in the harsh outside world. Unless you are a corpse, the inside of a pepsi bottle qualifies as harsh outside world.

"....No one knows where it has been distributed so b careful "

Then how do we know that there is a contaminated pepsi batch? Can't they just trace the worker to the batch and thus the distributed areas? Or did the worker send an anonymous letter to his employers or the press about what he did? Vattai ominous warning! Vattai mystery!

If you still are not sure about it(Idiot!), google it and see how many different countries have a similar diabolical HIV +ve Cola company worker spilling his blood all over the place. I think the world has enough REAL issues to worry about if that is what you were after.

Possible origin: PEPSI(Post Exposure Prophylactic following Sexual Intercourse) is an acronym used by medics for a course of treatment given after someone suspects he or she may have been exposed to the HIV virus. Not sure about the validity.

Either ways, stop forwarding me the stupid warning and stop forwarding the stupid warning to potential idiots who might forward it to me.

Ra.One : The 3 hour SRK commercial

What it could have been	What it is
The opening scene : Introduction to the technology
Finally an India movie exploring the realms of science fiction or usage of current technology in a unique way. Eg:-Electromagnetism used in Enthiran	A "groundbreaking" and condescending seminar about technology several decades old, told in Hindi to non Indians, in order to minimize cost of INTELLIGENT script writing and maximize viewership of Hindi fanatics.
SRK playing Shekar Subramaniam, A tamil scientist
Finally some acting skills shown as homage to his fans from South India and their legendary intelligence.	SRK taking a messy diarrhoea shit all over Tamil Nadu would've been better than watching the initial pointless 20 minutes of Tamilian SRK inclusive of "Ayyo" "Dosas" "Rascal", bad Tamil, worse acting and a mockery of MJ, Mr.Bean, women to name a few.
SRK’s character
A father who’s juggling work and providing for his family along with trying to earn the respect of his child in the terrible teens.	An annoying dork with pubic hair on his head that just won’t shut the fuck up and needs to be right and loved at all times.
Kareena’s character
An expensive piece of meat men can salivate over and lose other body fluids who’s dialogues don’t contribute to the plot.	An expensive piece of meat men can salivate over and lose other body fluids who’s dialogues don’t contribute to the plot. Also she’s a chammak challo.
SRK's son character
A confused teen who couldn't find a role model in his docile father due to the overbearing image of the badass amongst his peers.	An androgynous organism playing a bollywood Gen-Y stereotype who can't act for shit.
G.One, the superhero
A mission oriented robot with no emotions but is required to understand and emulate human beings.	An aging actor showing no talents :-         Trying to look kewl         Trying to make money         Trying too hard
Death of real SRK, appearance of Robot SRK in family
A take on the psychology of people when they lose a loved one who is later replaced by a machine which has the looks and memories of the loved one. But is that all we look for in another human being or are our emotions deceiving us into accepting an artificial version rather than face the tragedy of the loss?	SRK giving sexual innuendos in hip thrusts and having neon chain mucus pulled out of his nose by Kareena.
Rajnikanth's cameo as Chitti the robot
Homage from one superstar to another	A mind numbingly pointless cameo that makes no sense and is followed by the characters of the movie showing respect to Rajni in an intentionally exaggerated mocking way. SRK borrowing Rajini’s credibility because he has none of his own.
Any other details of the movie : The game, the villain, the plot
Consists of at least moderate intelligence to match up to the budget of the film.	Has nothing to do with logic or script writing budget. Has everything to do with SRK’s hair gel budget.
Summary of the movie
Technology can serve or enslave humanity depending on our choices.	The scene where Attention Whore Khan eats spaghetti and curd with his bare hands. It is a metaphor which demonstrates that:-       He'll do anything disgusting to get your attention.       He'll mix random elements(eccentricity and racism) that end up being bullshit.       The motherfucker thinks he's funny and cute. So PLEASE, kindly go suck his dick right now. He’ll die without your unconditional LOU!

A teaching experience to remember

When I first saw the mail about the company sponsored program asking for volunteers to teach 5-7th standard Kannada medium school kids English, my reaction was the same as any other average person. I thought "Hm! That's nice." and was about to hit the delete button when suddenly my brain flashbacked to a phone conversation I had with my Mom.

Flashback:-

Mom : So if you don't want to do an (over hyped and stereotyped) MBA, what is your plan (to conform with what, we 'adults', view as society)?

Me : I dunno. maybe I'll travel the country side and teach poor village kids English and teach their parents about planned parenthood or something, thus solving the problem of over population and education on a very small scale in this country.

Mom : Yeah, well, let's put that in the list of dreams (and list of things which I can't mention to my stick-up-the-ass accquiantances about what my son does).

So I asked myself - "What would Che(Guevara) do?"

Che would probably make sure these kids get their education and then pick up a gun, shoot the nearest fattest capitalist and piss all over his dead body.

And so, I volunteered, with absolutely no previous experience or clue on what I was going to do. A few meetings, purchases and vague strategies later, we were on our way to the school located few kms away from Mysore road along Kengeri(the very outskirts of Bangalore). I was as prepared with kids or teaching English as I was with urban warfare in Afghanistan.

When we reached the site, we were welcomed by a small 1 storey school and ground, a lot of strange looks from the people in the vicinity and a lot of smiles of curiosity and anticipation from the kids. As clichéd as that sounds, their excitement reminded me of my days in school when we had someone else to take class, other than the plump middle aged lady teachers we see(and get bored of) everyday.

Our class - 5th and 6th combined. Have you paid this much attention in school?

Our group was divided into teaching two classes - 5th and 6th combined and 7th standard class. I was taking the 5th and 6th along with Priyanka miss, Reanna miss(who were both fluent in Kannada) and Nijay uncle(who, like me, just knew how to say "Swalpa adjust maadi").

Priyanka miss being da boss while Reanna miss watches on

Initially we were just shuffling around thinking of what to do or where to start from. At least I was, but I covered up my confusion by pretending to take photos. Then Priyanka and Reanna took over and we just followed suit.

To be honest, there were the obvious communication gaps and bungling around but MAN! The energy from the kids was tremendous. I mean, when they were confident that they were right, they'd just shout out at the top of their lungs. These kids really wanted to learn English. With their boost and the Kannada speaking Madams' leadership, Nijay and I entered the fray.

The arms folded courtesy while answering

Indu and Krishna from the other(7th Stdi) class which apparently made more noise

We went from introductions to a huge alphabet book with pictures. The kids knew their English enough to spell most given words and recite the alphabets. Since this was a Kannada medium school, they were taught to pass the English exam somehow(read : by hearting - This is India after all). There were a few who needed extra help(Enter the Priyanka miss) like a drop out of 2 years.

Nijay and I did most of a placard game, where we asked individual kids by using a placard to indentify the alphabet, or the image on the placard and say at least two other words they knew starting with that alphabet. A simple chocolate prize was a good enough incentive to play well. And you complain about peanuts huh?

Again the energy of the kids was astounding. They were shouting out the answers, standing up to raise their hands the highest were giving answers which might not hit us normally. Priyanka again had to play strict disciplinarian to keep order in the class when the rest of us were just doing the best we can. The school teachers helped the kids form words and then disappeared like Batman soon afterwards. Kinda like "You're not making my kids look stupid in english IT company man! NO WAI! Now I need to go check up on Harvey Dent"

The pencil is mightier than...not having a pencil?

All writing and no coloring makes Jack a dull boy

Look! I finished first!

We ended with making the kids write down the alphabets within a ruled note book. Remember those? the RULED note book with lines to make sure you got your alphabet's proportions right? Most of the kids finished up their work in great time and did the activities like dotted lines, colouring etc. Just to make things not too boring.

We finished up with giving them writing exercise and a prospect of future classes. Since it is customary for such young school kids, we signed their class work. I personalised mine with a smiley face on each page. Not the colon and bracket abomination of today, the thing which few of our teachers used to give us when we really deserved it.

This picture is worth a 1024 words

Finishing up, remaining chocolates given to smaller kids, tried their food, took group photos and returned back to the company as IT professionals(including ranting about our idiot bosses).

Da group(from left) : Nijay, Reanna, Arjun, Krishna, Indu, Priyanka and yours truly

If I die now, I'd die as a man who didn't have a completely useless life.

Epic rap battles of India : Anna Hazara v/s Arundhati Roy

Inspired from Epic rap battles of history from youtube

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF INDIA!

ANNA HAZARE:

I'm THE Anna Hazare!

Saint of justice and honesty.

You're just a raving sociopath,

I represent civil society!

What?

You think you're an intellectual

with your awesome Booker prize?

HA!

Your literature was merely

incest pornography in disguise.

You shout "Politicians and Corporates

and the Indian Army suck!"

Well how about a solution

to get this country's gears unstuck?

I may not be perfect,

But I've earned the nation's respect

So pick up a flag,

you insufferable hag

or continue to be opinion columns reject                                                                                                     

ARUNDHATI ROY:

There's nothing civil bout your society or your fast old man

You're just making more noise than anyone else can.

So you think that you're Gandhi

just 'coz they arrested you?

That's only our dumb Government,

they never have a clue.

Your publicity is a joke

and so are your rallies.

Your so called supporters

are just fugitives from silicon valleys!

I'm the Goddess of small things,

supporting Maoists and the common man.

What can you do for them

with your elaborate dietary plan?

ANNA HAZARE:

You ignorant fool!

I AM a common man.

I live in a village

and survive on my pension plan.

But I've united this nation,

Only Sachin could do a better job.

So stop talking outta your head,

and writing like sucha snob.

ARUNDHATI ROY:

Your movement is useless,

it just brings out posers.

Why, look at Baba Ramdev,

and his yoga loving losers.

Once your draconian bill is passed,

your 15 minutes will be done.

Then the citizens will say,

"Check out our new country, just like the old one"

ANNA HAZARE:

Can I make EVERYONE happy?

No, I'm not Santa Claus!

But I can improve the scene,

by tackling the root cause.

India should be ONE NATION.

So screw your conspiracy theories and you.

You just whine about 7 issues

from the 5 places you've been to!

Can corruption be fully eradicated?

Nope! In India corners will be cut.

So do us all a favour

and please keep that mouth CLOSED!

WHO WON?

WHO'S BEST?

YOU DECIDE!

 

Avial @ Chennai August 6th

Rs.500

That’s not the monthly wage of the construction worker living in that conveniently ignored slum near you or the denomination of the paper that Chonia Gandhi uses to wipe her elegant eye-talian behind, that was the rate of the tickets for Avial’s performance at Chennai on 6^th August, EARLY BIRD RATES! We were lucky enough to be able to contribute to the economy by blocking a whole bunch of tickets at Rs.750 rather than pay that extra Rs.35/ticket if we buy the tickets online(all the money incidentally, WON’T go to orphans with diseases). Now I won’t mention which hotel in Nungampakkam, Chennai charged us an obscene amount with no proper planning for the event, but.....

Them assholes said we couldn’t get in without having shoes? WTF! SHOES?! For a band from Kerala? We Malayalis will start wearing shoes as part of our dress code when the rest of the world start eating Kerala cuisines without complaining about the coconut oil. Yeah sure, part of club policy, we don’t look as kewl as you management people, etcetera etcetera etcetera. Despite all the “No dogs and chappal wearers allowed” attitude going on, we got in without much of a problem.

Oh wait! I forgot to mention waiting in queue for our tickets to get printed and arrive at the location....with about 200 other people....in a passage way that’s 4 feet wide and 20 feet long....for about half an hour. Doesn’t sound too difficult? Compared to what was about to follow, yes.

Once inside, we realised that our over priced entrance ticket money was well spent on an average sized room with no AC, no ventilation, pointless flood lights, even more pointless revolving stage lights, pathetic sound equipment and local booze. Inside we noticed that they didn’t even let Tony(vocals) get in with his usual shirtum-mundum combination outfit, even he had to wear pants and shoes. Why not increase ticket rates to Rs.2000 and allow entry for only those with suit and jacket and a silver spoon up the ass me wondered. Maybe it was us, maybe it was the band or maybe it was the brain dead bastard controlling the audio output, but Avial’s sound check just took TOO FUCKIN’ LONG!

After the Avial cleared the area and the crowd started becoming restless, Benny Dayal came on stage. They kept us all entertained, expect one fine gentleman who wanted to show all the drunken characteristics of the fathers that sired him.

Then began yet another half another wait while Avial were doing…what ever it is they do for half an hour backstage while their audience waited for them……without AC…without ventilation….with huge pointless lights in our faces….and even more pointless moving lights spinning around near our crotches.

When the audience finished singing all the Malayalam songs composed since the time of Adam and Eve Menon, the band FINALLY, kullichu kuttappanmaar aayi powder okke itte ethi (TRANSLATION : bath-taking-powder-wearing-good-boys FINALLY got on stage).

Tony straight away started his weird-stoned-snake dance routine in his usual outfit. First time I saw it, it was entertaining. After the Aanakallan video, Tony just turned from a Malayali to a KOMALI, AHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HA HA HAAA…. …..moving on.

Obviously they opened with Aanakallan. In the before, you could get drunk from just listening to Avial songs. Aanakallan is special, if you listen to it when drunk you sober up. It’s kind of like reading a religious scripture when horny and getting turned off.

BUT! Aanakallan live was actually a good song, not an Avial standard song, but a good song. Tony kept us entertained with his speech impediment thing and shiny head. Rex (lead) was just being quiet as usual while thinking in his mind “Heh! That’s mah music you be appreciating bitches. Now bang those heads!”

In all honesty, the 1^st Avial album was just perfect and the old songs made us forget the heat, the sweat, the lack of oxygen, lack of money or lack of proper organizing on behalf of our esteemed hosts in the awesomeness that is their hotel.

Tony kutta! Aanakalla! We saw you not singing all the lines of every song. Ah well, at least ‘Ayyo’ was written for you. Rehearse more da! Even Rex was getting tired of your on stage stand up comedy.

Eventually, the heat and carbon dioxide got to the band as well. Binny(bass) showed us mercy and sprinkled the water from his bottle onto the crowd. Mithun(drums) who had totally burned out(twice) from his bad ass drumming, walked to the front of the stage and poured the water over his head as though saying “Yeah! I’m dying here too”. Suddenly, out of nowhere jumps out DoucheMan™, defender of posh hotels and clubs. DoucheMan™ just got verbally violent on Mithun for chilling out. DoucheMan™ doesn’t care that it was his hotel that ripped off so many Avialheads and provided sub-standard service in return, DoucheMan™ was the ass slave of the hotel empire and he’ll start foaming in the mouth and barking like a rabid dog if one molecule  of water touches his beloved hotels beloveder equiptment. DoucheMan™ saved the day and may he rot in hell for that.

No matter how much we started to enjoy the Avial songs, we were constantly swarmed by buzz kills like the equipment control guy (“Saar saar! Dan touch lightings.”) or the bar mixers (“No coke saar! Soda vatter.”) and even idiots in the crowd (“Dude! I have no respect for Metallica, they’re  buncha whores”). But the greatest of them all was the sound mixer mudda fugga(who will henceforth be referred to only as mudda fugga).

Tony : Can we have more sound on vocals please?

Mudda fugga : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Rex : (gestures more sound on his guitars)

Mudda fugga : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Everyone : ……………..

Later,

Avial : Chaapa Kurish song>

Chick  : Chaaaapaaaaa…….kurisheeeeeeeee……….

Tony : More sound on vocals please

Mudda fugga : (gives Tony the middle finger)

Everyone : ………………..

Even later,

Tony : Please turn off the flood lights it’s too hot.

Flood lights : (OFF)

Tony : And rotate the revolving lights upwards.

Revolving lights : (points upwards)

Avial : (Resume)

Flood lights : (ON)

Revolving lights : (revolve like hell)

Everyone : WTF!

Mudda fugga : (continues to masturbate)

Safe enough to say that we got tired of all this bullshit and got out before the damn thing ended and missed Aadu pambe and Nada Nada. Ah well, choose a better place next time Avial!