The 2012 phenomenon : How to get rich when the world ends






This topic was posted on my company BB with the title “21-Dec-2012 (Countdown - 365 Days to go)



Hi,



Well all say 21-Dec-2012 willbe earth's destiny. or will it?

The Mayans said it a looong time ago...Well i came across a few things and it does feel something might happen on that day.

they say all the planets will be in a unique eclipitical path towrads the sun for a brief moment.
The Bible talks about a piossible "end of days" or a God's warth towards Humans for Ignoring Him.

The Hindu Sacred book - The BhagwadGita - also says the Kaliyuga will come to  an end on this day, thus completing a 5,135 year period (5000 + years ) and also talks a good days all over again.But when kaliyuga ends it also says a possible catetrophe.

Many say Nostradamous predicted this. They are so wrong. Because simple, he did not. He says earth would end somewhere in 7000 AD.

but by the time as Stephen Hawking says, mankind would have fled earth or moved to a different habitable planet. He warns of a Third nuclear war which would send huge flashes of light that would kill millions.

Also, NASA and SETI ( Search for Extra Terristrail Intelligence ) say we might be attacked from creatures from a differnt world..FYI , we are not alone.in the world...there are trillins and trillions of galaxies in this universe and billions of planets harbouring life...please accept this fact.

So what would happen...lots of theories...please share what u think..thanks....


OOOOOH! Scarryyyy! But judging by facts and common sense, consider these points:-

Mayan calendar – doesn't predict anything. It is merely the end of what they called a 'long count' (~5125 years) which is something like a century or millennium to us. On 21-12-2012, one long count ends, another begins. Calling that the end of the world is equivalent to panicking about the Y2K bug, and did that really help?

Planetary alignment – what is now being said as the 'elliptical alignment' already happened in 1998 and we're still here. So……yeah!

The Bible – has mentioned the armageddon and end of times which people say is the second coming of Jesus. Since everyone has said it'll happen, like yesterday, for the past 2000 years....

Kali yuga – is a bit vague on how long it'll occur. But it is said to end when "When flowers will be begot within flowers, and fruits within fruits, then will the Yuga come to an end". Seriously? The Kali yuga ends with poetry?

Nostradamus – is yet another ‘legend’ that needs to die. As if poetry wasn’t vague enough we have French poetry about random things which might be related to random things happening now. ZOMG! tazz ossum lolzzz!!!1! None of his ‘predictions’ have a date stamp on them anyways.

Not really clear about Stephen Hawking though. Or about the huge flashes of light that somehow kills millions.

NASA – would be last organization to endorse in this ‘phenomenon’. So any one who announces formally that “we might be attacked from creatures from a different world” needs to find better hobbies. Whatever happened to playing games outside of facebook?

We might not be alone in the universe, but at least we’ll have time to figure out for ourselves with no given time constraint of 1 year.

STILL NOT CONVINCED???!!!

WELL, I’M ABOUT TO OFFER YOU THE 1 IN A TRILLION BET!!!

THAT’S RIGHT! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BET FOR THE ODDS OF THE WORLD ENDING, WHICH IS
1 : 1000000000000

Just send me 1$ RIGHT NOW!!

WHEN the world ends, you’ll get ONE TRILLION DOLLARS!*

That’s right, you could be a TRILLIONAIRE OVERNIGHT!

ONE TRILLION DOLLARS!*

If the world doesn’t end, then it’s only a measly dollar(in your local currency).

ONE FUCKING TRILLION DOLLARS!*

Think smart! Think Mayan! Think ONE TRILLION DOLLARS!*


* Conditions apply. Value of dollar is subject to market change. Please read the offer document carefully before investing. Oh right, there is no offer document. Yo mamma so fat, that when she jump into the ocean, all the whales have a reunion. Compliments to your eyesight and patience for still reading through this. But seriously, stop believing in some shit just because there was a movie based on it. That too a bad movie. Very gay movie. Do you know the guy who directed it, Roland Emmerich is also totally gay. I got nothing against homosexuals, but any guy who ruins a batman movie needs to not make movies again. I mean, he ruined it so bad, they had to bring in Chris Nolan to bring Batman back from gay hell. It’s a figure of speech, there is not actual hell or heaven. Which would kinda make it weird if the world does end. That’ll be one long awkward silence. Wow dude, you’re about as jobless as I am if you’re still reading this. Go out and absorb some sunlight or something. And stop stalking my blog.

The HIV infected blood in Pepsi hoax




I saw it on flash news. Dont drink the pepsi products they are contaminated by a company worker who has put his HIV blood in some of tha bottles. No one knows where it has been distributed so b careful

Here's a detailed scrutiny of the above statement(not the bad grammar)

"I saw it on flash news...."
Really? Did you really see it yourself? Or did you HEAR it from someone who has seen it on flash news? "Me frie...I saw a UFO yesterday!"
But I really did see it dood!
You seem to be confident person, so tell me, how come the news channel that broadcasted the flash news still haven't posted it on their website? Don't look at me, check it out yourself.


"....saw it on flash news...."
Remember the Bird flu? An epidemic isn't broadcasted on flash news, it'll be all over every news channel competing for your attention and their ratings. When a huge corporate is involved, the media has much to chew on so they would never miss the chance now would they?
But nowadays media is after trivial news na? They leave this kinda stuff to social networks only!
Imagine an alien space craft landed at the centre of your MG Road during rush hour. This could be the single most significant event in the history of mankind. Every commuter has gotten out of their vehicles and are taking and uploading photos of the spacecraft via their cell phones. 

If you were a reporter coincidentially standing at the scene, would you:-
a)      Start taking snaps as well and provide exclusive coverage of the event to your news network for a shit load of money.
OR
b)      Shrug and think "Meh! FB and twitter has it covered. I'll just keep taking photos of these Amitabh Bachhan toe nail clippings in the trash"


"....Dont drink the pepsi products...."
So can I still drink 7up, Sprite, Fanta, Mirinda, Thumbs Up, Banta, Bovonto, Campa Cola, Appy Fizz, Grappo Fizz, Limca, LMN and Tropicana Twister? Thank God for capitalism eh?


"....the pepsi products they are contaminated by...."
For a company that caters to most of the world, you'd think they'd have enough sense to have a massive recall rather than being sued and loosing face and market percentage world wide. Just because of some sociopath in their company.
But maybe they don't care about the Indian market no!


"....contaminated by a company worker...."
Pepsi manufacturing is NOT done by humans. What you are imagining is a factory with workers stirring the liquid in a huge barrel and manually filling it into bottles which come along on a conveyor belt. That would probably be true as some black and white footage of the process several decades old. No 'worker' would be able to have manual access to anything except the raw ingredients which would be filtered anyways.


".... put his HIV blood in some of tha bottles...."
For the last fucking time, AIDS can only spread through 3, repeat, THREE ways:-
  1. Unprotected penetrative sex thing(but you already knew that and are thinking about which porn site to browse right now)
  2. Blood transfution or sharing of needles(directly from blood stream to blood stream)
  3. Mother to child via pregnancy which for some reason can be avoided some of the times now.
Even if you drink infected blood or infected body fluids (why the hell would you?), your stomach acids will kill the virus.
But what if we have cuts on the inside of our mouths?
The virus can only infect you if it enters DIRECTLY into your blood stream. This obviously means, much like most techies, the virus can't survive in the harsh outside world. Unless you are a corpse, the inside of a pepsi bottle qualifies as harsh outside world.


"....No one knows where it has been distributed so b careful "
Then how do we know that there is a contaminated pepsi batch? Can't they just trace the worker to the batch and thus the distributed areas? Or did the worker send an anonymous letter to his employers or the press about what he did? Vattai ominous warning! Vattai mystery!

If you still are not sure about it(Idiot!), google it and see how many different countries have a similar diabolical HIV +ve Cola company worker spilling his blood all over the place. I think the world has enough REAL issues to worry about if that is what you were after.


Possible origin: PEPSI(Post Exposure Prophylactic following Sexual Intercourse) is an acronym used by medics for a course of treatment given after someone suspects he or she may have been exposed to the HIV virus. Not sure about the validity.

Either ways, stop forwarding me the stupid warning and stop forwarding the stupid warning to potential idiots who might forward it to me.

Ra.One : The 3 hour SRK commercial




What it could have been
What it is
The opening scene : Introduction to the technology
Finally an India movie exploring the realms of science fiction or usage of current technology in a unique way.
Eg:-Electromagnetism used in Enthiran
A "groundbreaking" and condescending seminar about technology several decades old, told in Hindi to non Indians, in order to minimize cost of INTELLIGENT script writing and maximize viewership of Hindi fanatics.
SRK playing Shekar Subramaniam, A tamil scientist
Finally some acting skills shown as homage to his fans from South India and their legendary intelligence.
SRK taking a messy diarrhoea shit all over Tamil Nadu would've been better than watching the initial pointless 20 minutes of Tamilian SRK inclusive of "Ayyo" "Dosas" "Rascal", bad Tamil, worse acting and a mockery of MJ, Mr.Bean, women to name a few.
SRK’s character
A father who’s juggling work and providing for his family along with trying to earn the respect of his child in the terrible teens.
An annoying dork with pubic hair on his head that just won’t shut the fuck up and needs to be right and loved at all times.
Kareena’s character
An expensive piece of meat men can salivate over and lose other body fluids who’s dialogues don’t contribute to the plot.

An expensive piece of meat men can salivate over and lose other body fluids who’s dialogues don’t contribute to the plot.
Also she’s a chammak challo.
SRK's son character
 A confused teen who couldn't find a role model in his docile father due to the overbearing image of the badass amongst his peers.
An androgynous organism playing a bollywood Gen-Y stereotype who can't act for shit.
G.One, the superhero

A mission oriented robot with no emotions but is required to understand and emulate human beings.
An aging actor showing no talents :-
  1.         Trying to look kewl
  2.         Trying to make money
  3.         Trying too hard

Death of real SRK, appearance of Robot SRK in family
A take on the psychology of people when they lose a loved one who is later replaced by a machine which has the looks and memories of the loved one.
But is that all we look for in another human being or are our emotions deceiving us into accepting an artificial version rather than face the tragedy of the loss?
SRK giving sexual innuendos in hip thrusts and having neon chain mucus pulled out of his nose by Kareena.
Rajnikanth's cameo as Chitti the robot
Homage from one superstar to another
A mind numbingly pointless cameo that makes no sense and is followed by the characters of the movie showing respect to Rajni in an intentionally exaggerated mocking way.
SRK borrowing Rajini’s credibility because he has none of his own.
Any other details of the movie : The game, the villain, the plot
Consists of at least moderate intelligence to match up to the budget of the film.
Has nothing to do with logic or script writing budget.
Has everything to do with SRK’s hair gel budget.
Summary of the movie
Technology can serve or enslave humanity depending on our choices.
The scene where Attention Whore Khan eats spaghetti and curd with his bare hands. It is a metaphor which demonstrates that:-
  1.       He'll do anything disgusting to get your attention.
  2.       He'll mix random elements(eccentricity and racism) that end up being bullshit.
  3.       The motherfucker thinks he's funny and cute.

So PLEASE, kindly go suck his dick right now. He’ll die without your unconditional LOU!







A teaching experience to remember

video

When I first saw the mail about the company sponsored program asking for volunteers to teach 5-7th standard Kannada medium school kids English, my reaction was the same as any other average person. I thought "Hm! That's nice." and was about to hit the delete button when suddenly my brain flashbacked to a phone conversation I had with my Mom.

Flashback:-
Mom : So if you don't want to do an (over hyped and stereotyped) MBA, what is your plan (to conform with what, we 'adults', view as society)?
Me : I dunno. maybe I'll travel the country side and teach poor village kids English and teach their parents about planned parenthood or something, thus solving the problem of over population and education on a very small scale in this country.
Mom : Yeah, well, let's put that in the list of dreams (and list of things which I can't mention to my stick-up-the-ass accquiantances about what my son does).

So I asked myself - "What would Che(Guevara) do?"
Che would probably make sure these kids get their education and then pick up a gun, shoot the nearest fattest capitalist and piss all over his dead body.

And so, I volunteered, with absolutely no previous experience or clue on what I was going to do. A few meetings, purchases and vague strategies later, we were on our way to the school located few kms away from Mysore road along Kengeri(the very outskirts of Bangalore). I was as prepared with kids or teaching English as I was with urban warfare in Afghanistan.

When we reached the site, we were welcomed by a small 1 storey school and ground, a lot of strange looks from the people in the vicinity and a lot of smiles of curiosity and anticipation from the kids. As clich├ęd as that sounds, their excitement reminded me of my days in school when we had someone else to take class, other than the plump middle aged lady teachers we see(and get bored of) everyday.
Our class - 5th and 6th combined. Have you paid this much attention in school?

Our group was divided into teaching two classes - 5th and 6th combined and 7th standard class. I was taking the 5th and 6th along with Priyanka miss, Reanna miss(who were both fluent in Kannada) and Nijay uncle(who, like me, just knew how to say "Swalpa adjust maadi").
Priyanka miss being da boss while Reanna miss watches on


Initially we were just shuffling around thinking of what to do or where to start from. At least I was, but I covered up my confusion by pretending to take photos. Then Priyanka and Reanna took over and we just followed suit.

To be honest, there were the obvious communication gaps and bungling around but MAN! The energy from the kids was tremendous. I mean, when they were confident that they were right, they'd just shout out at the top of their lungs. These kids really wanted to learn English. With their boost and the Kannada speaking Madams' leadership, Nijay and I entered the fray.
The arms folded courtesy while answering

Indu and Krishna from the other(7th Stdi) class which apparently made more noise


We went from introductions to a huge alphabet book with pictures. The kids knew their English enough to spell most given words and recite the alphabets. Since this was a Kannada medium school, they were taught to pass the English exam somehow(read : by hearting - This is India after all). There were a few who needed extra help(Enter the Priyanka miss) like a drop out of 2 years.

Nijay and I did most of a placard game, where we asked individual kids by using a placard to indentify the alphabet, or the image on the placard and say at least two other words they knew starting with that alphabet. A simple chocolate prize was a good enough incentive to play well. And you complain about peanuts huh?
Again the energy of the kids was astounding. They were shouting out the answers, standing up to raise their hands the highest were giving answers which might not hit us normally. Priyanka again had to play strict disciplinarian to keep order in the class when the rest of us were just doing the best we can. The school teachers helped the kids form words and then disappeared like Batman soon afterwards. Kinda like "You're not making my kids look stupid in english IT company man! NO WAI! Now I need to go check up on Harvey Dent"
The pencil is mightier than...not having a pencil?


All writing and no coloring makes Jack a dull boy


Look! I finished first!


We ended with making the kids write down the alphabets within a ruled note book. Remember those? the RULED note book with lines to make sure you got your alphabet's proportions right? Most of the kids finished up their work in great time and did the activities like dotted lines, colouring etc. Just to make things not too boring.

We finished up with giving them writing exercise and a prospect of future classes. Since it is customary for such young school kids, we signed their class work. I personalised mine with a smiley face on each page. Not the colon and bracket abomination of today, the thing which few of our teachers used to give us when we really deserved it.
This picture is worth a 1024 words


Finishing up, remaining chocolates given to smaller kids, tried their food, took group photos and returned back to the company as IT professionals(including ranting about our idiot bosses).
Da group(from left) : Nijay, Reanna, Arjun, Krishna, Indu, Priyanka and yours truly


If I die now, I'd die as a man who didn't have a completely useless life.




Epic rap battles of India : Anna Hazara v/s Arundhati Roy

Inspired from Epic rap battles of history from youtube

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF INDIA!






ANNA HAZARE:
I'm THE Anna Hazare!
Saint of justice and honesty.
You're just a raving sociopath,
I represent civil society!

What?
You think you're an intellectual
with your awesome Booker prize?
HA!
Your literature was merely
incest pornography in disguise.

You shout "Politicians and Corporates
and the Indian Army suck!"
Well how about a solution
to get this country's gears unstuck?

I may not be perfect,
But I've earned the nation's respect
So pick up a flag,
you insufferable hag
or continue to be opinion columns reject                                                                                                     


ARUNDHATI ROY:
There's nothing civil bout your society or your fast old man
You're just making more noise than anyone else can.

So you think that you're Gandhi
just 'coz they arrested you?
That's only our dumb Government,
they never have a clue.

Your publicity is a joke
and so are your rallies.
Your so called supporters
are just fugitives from silicon valleys!

I'm the Goddess of small things,
supporting Maoists and the common man.
What can you do for them
with your elaborate dietary plan?


ANNA HAZARE:
You ignorant fool!
I AM a common man.
I live in a village
and survive on my pension plan.

But I've united this nation,
Only Sachin could do a better job.
So stop talking outta your head,
and writing like sucha snob.


ARUNDHATI ROY:
Your movement is useless,
it just brings out posers.
Why, look at Baba Ramdev,
and his yoga loving losers.

Once your draconian bill is passed,
your 15 minutes will be done.
Then the citizens will say,
"Check out our new country, just like the old one"


ANNA HAZARE:
Can I make EVERYONE happy?
No, I'm not Santa Claus!
But I can improve the scene,
by tackling the root cause.

India should be ONE NATION.
So screw your conspiracy theories and you.
You just whine about 7 issues
from the 5 places you've been to!

Can corruption be fully eradicated?
Nope! In India corners will be cut.
So do us all a favour
and please keep that mouth CLOSED!

WHO WON?

WHO'S BEST?

YOU DECIDE!
 

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