The Tale of the Poojari and the cat

Wonce yeppon a dime, dere wass a Poojari in a demble. Dis Poojari duss poojas wonly yeveryday. During the poojas no, he...

ERROR 983 : Stereotypical South Indian accent overload
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Target : Dialogues only
Comments : Chumma :P

Once upon a time, there was a Poojari in a temple. The poojari used to perform poojas daily. While performing the Pooja, he had to sit in one spot without budging. That is pretty much the setting for this story.
One day, a cat came inside the temple while the pooja was being performed. Seeing all the colorful arrangements for the pooja, the cat got all excited and started playing around with it. The poor Poojari couldn't get up and shoo away the cat, so he did the only thing he could do, pray to the God(s?) to turn the cat to ashes. Unfortunately, (the?) God(s?) work(s?) in mysterious ways and didn't find time to remove all the moisture from the cat’s body thereby performing the ash transformation.
After many days of the cat's antics, the Poojari finally lost it and called his assistant, Shanku… 

Poojari : Dai Shanku potta! Vat assistant you are man? Yeveryday I am doing the pooja, yeveryday that poocha is being a nuisance jembing around me and yeveryday you are zimbly sitting. I vill take strict action against you!
Shanku : Saar saar! Pleeease saar. I...didn't know saar. I...saar...saar...I
Poojari : Vat yaar? Al-WAYZ giving these excuses. But I vill forgive you dis time only, since you are still yeng. But you do wone thing. When I am performing the pooja no, you catch that poocha and trap it under that kotta. And keep something heavy on top to stop the escaping of the poocha. WOGAY?

Later that day, when the Poojari started his pooja, Shanku sprang into action. He caught the cat, put it under the basket(yeah, kotta means basket) but he couldn't find anything heavy to put on top of the basket. So he took one of the bigger lit lamps(vellake) and kept it on top. Once the pooja was over, the lamp was doused, the cat was let out and everyone was happy.
This routine happened everyday till the Poojari retired and Shanku was made the new Poojari upon his mentor's recommendation. So Shanku was listing out the set of responsibilities for his new assistant, 

Shanku : ....then there is a Yakshi that comes at midnight only, dan't mind her, she is some attention seeking bad lady da. And yess, the poocha. When I am doing the pooja, you make shure that bleddy poocha is trapped under the kotta. Else it will disturb me fully and I will be kalip. Dan forget to put the vellake on top of the kotta. WOGAY? 

The new asistant was slightly confused at the last request, but he too needed recommendation and followed that order daily like his predecessor and everyone was happy.
Eventually, Shanku also retired and the new assistant came. He told his apprentice,

Newest Poojari :  Listen , during the pooja no, get hold of poocha and put it inside of the kotta. Else it is bad luck for the pooja. WOGAY? 

The latest apprentice searched everywhere for this bad luck poocha but couldn't find it. The life expectancy of a cat in those days was less than the promotion cycle of 2 Poojaris. So the apprentice went to town, kidnapped a pet poocha, brought it to the temple, put it under the kotta, trapped it there with the lamp and lit the lamp. Thus, everyone was happy.
After doing this daily and that too with which ever cat he could kidnap, he too earned the position of the next Poojari. Needless to say, once he became the new Poojari, he gave a very familiar speech to his new assistant.

Familiar speech giver : You know, in this demble, while the main Poojari is doing the pooja, that is me only. So while the main Poojari is doing the pooja, the junior should go to the town, take some poocha, bring to demble, put kotta on top, put vellake on top of that and light it. Yeverything done before the pooja, WOGAY?

Now this new guy was way too kind hearted to kidnap any cats so he went to town and walked into a house which he thought was nice enough to own a cat.

New guy : Namaskaaram dear House owner!
House owner : Many many namaskaarams! So nice to be seeing your types of people gracing the existence of my home with your precense.
New guy : Please please. You are being too nice wonly. It is you who is gracing the existence of myself with your home.
House owner : Such humility. Please don’t expose yourself to the sun this much. Come inside and find the seating you wish. Shall I grace the existence of your tongue with my wife’s tea?
New guy : Your kindness is increasing wonly, not at all decreasing. But now I can’t find the time as my mentor is waiting for my triumphant return. I merely stand at your entrance for the smallest of small favours, for our temple’s sake.
House owner : I am finding myself even more jubilant of the worthiness deemed upon me by yourself and your temple. Please to be telling the favour and I will gladly run against the rotation of the earth to fulfill it.
New Guy : Your kindness is too much. What I needed was zimbly a cat, no other extra accessories.
House owner : Zimbly a cat? That is too easy sir. But you seriously have to taste my wife’s tea Sir.

The conversation was getting too annoying, so long story short, the New Guy got the cat from the house owner, took it to the temple and everything went on as always. Daily, New Guy would go to the same house, drink the lady’s tea and then get the cat. Everyone was happy.
Skipping through a lot of time and narration. Currently the temple is very famous for its unique ritual. Every day, the temple’s assistant poojari goes to the Thengakola house(descendants of the House owner), gets tea served to him after which the house owners provide the assistant with the house cat. All this is tradition. Once the house cat it taken back to the temple, the hapless animal is kept under the basket and trapped there with a lit lamp on top. Only then the main Poojari will begin the Pooja.
Some believe this is done as the cats raised by the Thengakola family is a reincarnation of the Lord Bramha himself. Other religious philosophers think that the back in the old days, the people considered the cat as a symbol of evil and wanted to trap it within the basket to that is does not interfere with the cleansing ritual being performed. Still other philosophers add that the lit lamp to be the light of hope keeping back the darkness that is the cat. Tourists and locals alike strictly adhere to the rules so that the land remains prosperous, and everyone was happy.
Only you and I know what the real reason was for keeping the cat under the basket, but dan tell yenyone, WOGAY!

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