New Generation movies
Don't get me wrong, movies like Ustad Hotel, 22 Female Kottayam, Beautiful and Salt 'n' Pepper are among my list of favourite films. This is just for the other 95% of the movies any person with access to a camera, Adobe Premier and a rich Dubai relative's assets bring onto the box office.
Poster : Face of the characters in the movie (minimum 5, maximum every cast member), all of whom are looking in random directions. Only two of the actors are previously known.
Written by : Unknown
Directed by : Unknown
Dialogue and Plot summary :
This movie is set in a city where everyone overdoes the colloquial slang.
The protagonist is morally ambiguous/weak.
Random character 1 : Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
Random character 2 : Weed! Weed! Weed! Weed!
Random character 3 : (bleep) ! (bleep) ! (bleep) ! (bleep) !
A female character has sex and/or is raped.
Only recognizable actor : Whimsical poetry.
Random character 4 : Random reference to Old malayalam movie.
Someone gets drunk/stoned.
Random character 5 : Random spoof of recently released malayalam movie.
Random character 6 : Prostitutes! Prostitutes! Prostitutes!
Someone dies abruptly.
Random character 7 : How many random characters are there in this movie?
Only recognizable actor : My character has grown and I resolve to do things.
All sub plots remain unfinished.
Audience gives standing ovation having hardly understood anything of what transpired the past few hours. They discuss the improvement of malayalam cinema with their peer group, during the next social gathering.
Audience walk out shaking their heads in disappointment having hardly understood anything of what transpired the past few hours. They discuss the decline of malayalam cinema with their peer group, during the next social gathering.
ZOMG!!! THE SCRIPTZZ OZZUM MAN!!
'Old' Generation movies
Don't get me wrong again, these are the movies that have come out since the Golden age of Comedy movies ended, sometime during the early 21st century. The ones that preceded those were of a different league entirely.
Name : Something ridiculously stupid.
Poster : That aging actor wearing a wig is in this movie. Since I will gladly give my life for him, I better go spend my hard earned money for his face lift.[Optional] Oh look! Fahad Fasal is also in this movie!
Written by : The personified ego of the main star.
Directed by : A once great director trying to feed his family.
Dialogue and Plot summary :
Insert poorly written songs and/or badly done action sequences every 5 minutes of the movie.
Old actor : Back story through stilted dialogue.
Superstar : Everyone loves my manliness/innocence.
Everyone : Yes we do!
Obnoxious Young person : I don't!
Comic actor : These 'new generation' assholes!
Superstar : Women are nothing but tools.
Female characters : We agree!
Obnoxious Young person : Such wisdom! I admit the error in my ways.
The vanquished young person disappears.
TV actor with mustache : I'm a bad guy!
Superstar defeats bad guy and finds a cure for AIDS.
Dileep does the exact same things he did in his previous 978 movies.
Audience pay to see it for the 979th time.
People forget everything about the movie five minutes after they walk out of the theater. But atleast it was a 'nice family movie'.
ZOMG!!! THE SUPERSTAR STILL GOT IT!!