#MyChoiceUnless

#MyChoiceUnless

My choice to be the best of what I am, unless I'm gay

My choice of whom I want to date, unless your fragile culture can't bear the burden

My choice to do whatever work I want to, unless it doesn't make me look good in the marriage market

My choice of whom I want to marry, unless Mars gets in my way

My choice to have children or not, unless my Mother and Mother-in-law finally agree upon one thing

My choice to cheer for which ever team I deem worthy, unless I've to prove my undying patriotism

My choice on what food I want to eat, unless you want to "preserve" our traditions and your vote bank

My choice to drink whatever I want, unless you want to be the saint and saviour of your political agenda state

My choice to say a joke, unless it offends your sensibilities

My choice to live as a human being, unless you're just being human

My choice to become a chaiwala or PM, unless I don't belong to any political allegiance and remain a chaiwala.

My choice to become the face of women's empowerment, unless I'm an acid victim, a prostitute, a tribal, a transgender...

My choice, unless I'm not privileged

Think society, think double standards

Well, my Mom isn't as stupid as given below, but there are those out there who are. Consider these hypothetical situations after you're done rolling those indignant eyes.

Stable relationship

Me: Mom, I'm in a stable relationship. She's an MBA graduate working in a multinational company, can cook like a boss and watches Tarantino flicks.

Mom: What religion/caste/ethnicity/skin colour is she?

Me: Uh...the one that you don't like.

Mom: Get married to this girl I picked for you, right now. She has been approved by the people.

Me: But...

Mom: SILENCE! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!

Several years later...

Mom: Why do you come home late from work?

Me: Oh that? I visit my girl friend every once in a while.

Mom: WHA?! Does your PEOPLE APPROVED wife know?

Me: Of course not, she'd kill me!

Mom: Why would you cheat on her? She's a Literature graduate working in an International School, can bake like a boss and reads Camus.

Me: You've instilled great values in me.

Source: mnn.com

Moral of the story

You are free to pick any item you like, from the list of items given to you by us.

Fate

Mom: Where are you going?

Me: My friend, Atheist, got into an accident.

Mom: That rich spoiled brat? He was probably drinking and driving.

Me: Whatever...they're both admitted to the LootNPillage Hospital.

Mom: They?

Me: Atheist was with Religious, our classmate.

Mom: Looks like it's a bad time for their family. Why don't you pray at the temple for him on your way to the hospital. God works faster than you, you know.

Me: Well, the accident was fast enough.

Source: Free software magazine

Moral of the story

If you disagree with me, you're wrong.

Legalised prostitution (aka Marriage)

Groom's Mom: Now that you're a part of our family, you must call me Mom.

Groom's Dad: And you must call our house, your work place.

Groom: And you have to call yourself Missus Me.

Bride's Dad: Did I just pay for my daughter to not exist anymore?

Bride: Uh, shouldn't you be paying MY Dad for my ownership and my services?

Everyone: SILENCE! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!

Source: The Telegraph

Moral of the story

Marriage is all about conformity and property ownership. The relationship comes second, or third.

Hotels

Foreign couple: Hi, we'd like a room please.

Receptionist: Very welcoming this way saar. We charge in $$$ by the way. Also, mosquitoes are charged, part of the experience.

Indian couple with children: Hi, we'd like a room please.

Receptionist: You have children so you have the right to judge us.

Indian couple: Hi, we'd like a room please.

Receptionist: Are you married or about to be married?

Indian couple: Uh, yes.

Receptionist: I don't believe you, where is your marriage certificate? The police come and check here every night since they have no time to fight crime.

Indian couple: Screw it, we'll have to suffer staying at relatives.

Indian boy and girl: Hi, we'd like a room please.

Receptionist: YOU ARE TOO YOUNG and don't know what to do! You bring western ideologies filth into my kul-chaar. Arrest them!

Indian boy and girl: Wha?

Receptionist: SILENCE! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!

Source: Ruthless Reviews

Moral of the story

If we're oppressed by rules, we'll make new ones so that we can oppress for a change.

Interviews

Candidate #1: Hi, I'm LongHaired CreativeType. Here's my impressive resume.

Oldman Interviewer: I don't like him!

Oldwoman Interviewer: He is already rejected.

Oldman Interviewer: Give him a difficult question.

Oldwoman Interviewer: Finish him!

Oldman Interviewer: How many decibels are present between Earth and Indraprastha?

Candidate #1: Sir, I don't think that's related to NotBoringJob, the one I'm applying for. Also, it doesn't make sense.

Oldman Interviewer: GET OUT! Rascal!

Oldwoman Interviewer: Nyext!

Candidate #2: Much Goodmornings Sir and Lady Sir. I'm SidePartitioned HumanMouse. I walked in here accidentally.

Oldman Interviewer: You're hired!

Source: Houston Press

Moral of the story

The old are wise and we should listen to them forever and ever and ever...

What happens when you close bars in Kerala?

BARS BARRED

BREAKING NEWS! All Bars without the proper hygiene in Kerala have been SHUT DOWN! That's right, there must be cleanliness in those shady shops where we consume liquids injurious to our health but have the ability to kill most bacteria. As the crisis continues(and since the elections are sooo 2014, wait, what year is it?), let's go to the streets to survey the situation.

Crisis Day One

As men gather around the bar, waiting for it to open. But as they wake up the rooster and the sun, they realise, to their horror, that their watering hole is no more.

Random Malayali #1: At first, when I saw the door closed, I thought I was at the wrong place. I was correct, as I was still in my house. Wait, what're you doing in my bathroom?

Random Malayali #2: We've been getting drunk here for generations. Now where will we go to avoid our wives?

Random Malayali #2's son: Yeah! Where will we go?

Random Malayali #2: You drink?!

Random Malayali #2's son: Dude, your wife's a real bitch.

Random Malayali #2: That she is.

Police constable: Sir, maybe it's April 1st?

Police officer: In October?

Police constable: Surprise?!

Police officer: Arrest everyone. Maybe if I beat the shit out of innocents, I'll feel properly lubricated in this shitty world.

But the residents of nearby houses have different opinions.

Aunty #1: Thank God those drunkards are gone!
Aunty #2: Drinking is such a bad habit. It is bad for the children.

Aunty #1: So is domestic abuse.

Aunty #2: Wonder where all those drunkards will go to now?

Door: (knock)(knock)(knock)

Both: Uh-oh! We're married to them.

Door: (bang)(bang)(bang)

Crisis Day Fore

A few of the Malayalis, working in the Gulf countries have arrived back to their homeland for some much needed rest, relaxation and family time.

Gelf Malayali: Screw that shit! I'm here for the booze and the beef!

21 seconds later...

Gelf Malayali: Oh dear god! I had heard it in the news. I didn't know it was true.

Reporter: So will you be returning back to the Gelf...I mean, Gulf?

Gelf Malayali: What's the point? Why should I earn money anymore?

Reporter: Sir, can't you still buy booze off the counter?

Gelf Malayali: And start drinking in front of the wife when sober?

The ripples of the crisis were propagating its way down the ecosystem in other places as well. The 'thattu kadas' were particularly impacted.

Shop owner: Before, the men needed some place to get food after the bars closed at 11. Now that they don't have any place to be so late, my only clients are the new generation kids calling themselves 'freaks'.

Freak #1: Yo dude! Dis #parotta is ossum. Imma #instagram it!

Freak #2: Watz yo place called? I wanna giva rating on my zomato app yo!

Shop owner: Zomato? Is that a vegetable?

Freak #2: Dis place aint on zomato dood!

Freak #1: #EPIC #fail dude! lezz go!

Shop owner: Well, with them gone, I've to close down business as well.

Crisis Day Se7en

We're a week into this crisis. It seems the Malayali men have adapted to the situation.

Random Malayali #1: At first, we were desperate and we brought booze home.

Random Malayali #2: We thought our wives could be reasoned with and the first hour went without incident.

Random Malayali #1: Then we realised that we had no source of 'touchings' but our wives.

Random Malayali #2: Who also had to clean up all the puke...

Random Malayali #1: ...and feed the children...

Random Malayali #2: ...and watch their TV serials...

Random Malayali #1: ...and defend earth from aliens.

Random Malayali #2: So after the first day, every husband was banned from their respective homes.

Random Malayali #1: It's like no one appreciates our hard work.

Yeah, you got the joke. But it was an ingenious young fisherman who came up with the ultimate solution(other than the alcohol).

Random Malayali #1: We take out boats and go get drunk at sea.

Random Malayali #2: We don't know if we're puking from the sea sickness or the drinking anymore.

Random Malayali #1: The boat mafia is gaining power though.

Random Malayali #2: Also, the Italian navy has been gunning down most of the boats.
Random Malayali #1: Is the Government doing anything about that?
Random Malayali #2: Absolutely not.

With a huge number of Malayalis no longer having the will power to return to the Gulf countries, cheap labour is now going to the huge influx of Pakistan migrants who're rushing to fill in the void.

ISI agent: With all the income from the Gulf countries now flowing back into Pakistan, we finally have enough money to fund our nuclear weapons program...uh...I mean...the...um...education for girls program. Yeah, that.

Back in Kerala, the closure of all thattu kadas...

ISI agent: You guys bought that? That was easier than I thought.

...Thattu kadas , the sales of Parotta has plummeted severely. With no longer a market for the road side parotta, jobless activists have taken to the streets to abolish maida altogether.

Jobless activist: We all know maida is harmful to the human body. Now that the Parotta lobby no longer has power over the parliament, we will take the protests to our living rooms and declare a harthal.

Jobful activist: But what will we do sitting home now? All the liquor stores are at sea.

Jobless activist: Well...fuck.

Crisis Day XIII

This is actually very unlucky.

Crisis Day XIV

Better. The population of men in Kerala has been reduced by half due to all the Italian navy murders. The remaining men are locked away in their homes by their wives and mothers. Crime rate is now at zero.

Meanwhile, having toppled the maida industry, the jobless activists are now against every unhealthy food in India. The only food not under the scope are the vegetables from Tamil Nadu.

Jobless activist: Everyone knows that maida is used to make the adhesive glue for posters in Kerala.

Reporter: (slap)

Jobless activist: DAFAQ!

Reporter: Cooked rice is also an adhesive. GOD! I just hate you self righteous know-it-alls spreading old wives tales. Has anyone checked the internet for this?

Jobful activist: The internet says maida is harmful for your body.

Reporter: Oh...well, the internet can never be wrong. Vegetables it is then.

Due to the excess of imported vegetables from Tamil Nadu, ties between the two states have been strained and the much larger state has demanded all the water of Kerala as compensation for there being no more vegetables left in Tamil Nadu.

28 days later 

After a diet of nothing but healthy vegetables, Malayalis are declared the healthiest creatures on the planet. Since the men can't go out of their houses to kill and eat animals, the herbivores of Kerala have started multiplying.

Having no one to kill, the Italian navy have started doing their job and have begun eliminating the pirates of the Indian ocean.

Meanwhile, the abundance of water has lead the Tamil population to make a startling discovery.

Random Tamilian #1: I started after we stole the monsoon clouds from Kerala. This made sure that we'll be able to take baths every day. After a couple of days we began to notice...changes.
Reporter: What sort of changes?
Random Tamilian #2: Our skin colour wasn't dark like how everyone made fun of us. We are actually very light skinned.
Random Tamilian #1: Also, we used to think daily head baths are for Malayalis. But now, we notice that our original hair colour is blonde.
Random Tamilian #2: And our eyes are blue. Which is something we just noticed. It doesn't have anything to go with the daily bathing.
Reporter: So what have to you...
Random Tamilian #1: EHRE DEM VATER!
Random Tamilian #2: EHRE DEM MEISTER-RENNEN!

Reporter: Well, that escalated rather quickly.

Go check out google translate. You can't expect us to do all your work for you, lazy slob!

Crisis Day 42

All the Malayalis from around the world have flocked back to the home land due to its perfect existence. Due to this, the literacy rate increased to 800% in Kerala, somehow. In a combined effort, Malayalis have discovered the meaning to life, the universe and everything.

Crisis Day 69

We couldn't resist. The economies of all states in India have been decimated because of the lack of Malayali bakeries or tea stalls or shawarma restaurants. Also, the onslaught of cows from Kerala have begun to take over Southern India.

In this moment of weakness, The "People's" "Republic" of China has declared war against India and has taken over the NE states, which no one notices.

Chinese General: We Chinese are all assholes and we like taking over things. It's to compensate for our tiny manhoods.

Having destroyed all the pirates in the world, the Italian Navy take over all the seas.

Crisis Day One Hundred

Pakistan has finally completed its nuclear IBM. Without any warning, the missile is launched. The missile fails to take off and detonates in Pakistan. The Pakistani high command blames India for the nuclear attack which the Indian Government condones. The US gives Pakistan a lot of money to recover and proceeds to attack the Italian navy while crying "Freedom!" at the top of their lungs.

Facing imminent defeat at the hands of the Chinese, the Indian army deploys the two master races present into the war zone. The Tamil refuse since they declare their state autonomous. Malayalis refuse since it's a sunday. The cows refuse since they're cows.

While the wars wage on, all the methane created by the army of cows start to heat up the atmosphere which ignites when a passing meteorite shower shoots debris into out atmosphere.

Life on Earth, has been completed eradicated from the resulting fire.

That's why you don't shut down bars in Kerala.

Fin 

How bad roads can improve India

A bad road isn't inefficiency. A bad road is opportunity. For whom? Stop being such a doubting pessimist!

Let's start from the beginning when a daddy road loves a mommy road very much and people want to drive their stupid cars to the stupid malls to do stupid people things. But when they buy their stupid car and plan their trip to the mall 20 meters away using Google Earth, they realise that the terrain between where they are and where they want to be isn't stupid car friendly.

Sources: islands.com, ibnlive.com

So they plop to the ground and beat their arms and legs about for about 400 years before the Government realizes that it's election season again and they need to satiate the serfs.

The government releases the Kraken and the PWD department. One is a monster that consumes endlessly and gives nothing back to society but pain and destruction, the other is the Kraken(if you didn't see that coming, you better power off your system and go lie down before you hurt yourself). 

After needlessly wasting time on a survey using a stick and a packet of biscuits, they take tea breaks till the budget is exhausted.

People harmed : None 

People benefited: The PWD

Finally, the PWD decides to call in the specialist. The contractor!

Sources: milkthefranchise.com, neatorama.com

The contractor has two objectives in life:-

1. Make a profit
2. Make a profit next year

The contractor makes a huge profit by taking all the money he's gotten to build the roads, and depositing it at the bank. Then going home and taking his children's chalks, grinding it and laying it down on the ground. BAM! Insta-road!

People harmed : None 

People benefited: The PWD and their families, the contractor and his family

In places where it rains a lot, the chalk powder will get washed away in 5 minutes. In places where it doesn't rain, the people who're starving will eat the chalk powder within 5 minutes.

People harmed : None 

People benefited: The PWD, the contractor and hungry people

Finally, you got your road and you can go to the mall, right? NO BITCH! You fall into those pot holes and break a leg! Blood every where! Wait for the ambulance. Keep screaming. Still waiting for the ambulance. Kids are taking photos of your misery with their new smart phones. Where is that ambulance? Your photos have gone viral. Just kidding! Who'd want to see your photos? Is that the ambulance?

People harmed : You

People benefited: PWD, contractor, hungry people, jobless rich kids

Since the insurance system is only making it's way to India from the US, you'll be treated for your injuries. 
Uh oh! It's a private hospital. So they're gonna have to run a few hundred tests on you. It's normal to check your internal organs when your hand just got severed off. Stop crying you baby!

People harmed : You

People benefited: A LOT of rich people

Meanwhile, you get the estimate for repair work of your vehicle. You instantly die of a heart attack.

People harmed : You

People benefited: A LOT of rich people and a mechanic

So do you see why complaining about the road makes you a selfish prick? Bad roads benefit far too many people for the universe to care about your little complaints. Quit being such a spoil sport.

Top 5 ways to die in India

Note: All ratings are out of 5.

#5: Poverty

A dire consequence of a nation which promotes arranged marriage and motherhood is that everyone procreates, no matter their ability to raise the offspring. While the quelled middle class themselves are finding it difficult to raise children in this cruel and harsh world, people of lesser financial stature are 200% ensuring that the world is a worse place bring more children into it and thus giving the said child little choice but to suffer in it.
Now that you are poor, let's consider your options. If you live in the city, you can die of hygiene problems or of starvation. If you live in the country side, you can die of hygiene problems or of starvation. If you survive in either cases, you can die of neglect by a Government who knows you won't be interested in voting.
It's like playing chess with yourself while sky diving without a parachute. The only way you can win is by losing, and then you'll die.
If you do get above the ever descending poverty line, don't forget that inflation will beat you to it.

Source: The Syndian

Awesomeness: ☺

Publicity:         ☺

Style:              ☺

Mess:              ☺☺

#4: Shame

Marrying someone you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Wearing what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Studying what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge? 
Eating what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Earning what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Car not expensive enough? Log kya kahenge?
No children? Log kya kahenge?
Not enough children? Log kya kahenge?
Dark skin? Log kya kahenge?
Short? Log kya kahenge?
Too much hair? Log kya kahenge?
Too little hair? Log kya kahenge?
Born at the wrong time? Log kya kahenge?
Still alive? Log kya kahenge?

All of the above questions has two solutions.

OR

Image sources: http://ragemaker.net/, IBNlive.com, ngpod.cn, investwithalex.com

Awesomeness: ☺☺

Publicity:         ☺☺☺☺

Style:              ☺☺☺☺

Mess:              ☺

#3: Accidents

Rules are for losers. Work is for idiots. So let's leave our work half done and break all the rules to do what is convenient for us. But if someone else does it, damn that person's soul to hell.

Of course, this causes just a minor problem known as inefficiency. This leads to even minor life threatening pit falls where someone loses a life. Yes, it's all fun and games till someone drowns, or falls off a building, or a building falls on them, or gets hit by a car, or simply forgot to pay the dowry.

As a service to you, I've already Googled 'accident' and found the images to be quite fascinating. You can do it yourself and think about what people will be talking about seeing your body in that condition.

Awesomeness: ☺☺☺☺

Publicity:         ☺☺

Style:              ☺☺☺☺

Mess:              ☺☺☺☺☺

#2: Religion

Go ahead and make any reference towards any religion and/or their religious head(s). In a country where the right to religion(no qualification required) is more important than right to speech will lead to the most religious people having the grace of a blind club wielding gorilla riding atop a deranged rhinoceros on cocain. All you need to do is to point a question of "Why?" at the monster or even not be doing anything at all. What will follow is torture(physical and mental) followed by ostracization be all your peers, family and friends since it obviously is your fault.
Forget that all of the 'beliefs' are based on what your parents parroted to you, it's not your belief and your righteous indignation is righteous. More people have lost body parts, lives and loved ones in the name of the random events that you have no control of (aka god) than accidents, honour killings and poverty combined. 
Are those statistics accurate? You insult my god! Prepare to die. 

Awesomeness:  ☺

Publicity:          ☺☺☺☺

Style:              ☺☺☺☺☺

Mess:              ☺☺☺☺

#1: Girl

A girl is not what is going to get you killed, I meant you should simply BE a girl. From female infanticide to honour killings and beyond, women in India find it way easier to die than the opposite sex. Here are a couple of easy steps:-

1. Born as a girl
2. If you survived step 1, do something which you are told shouldn't be done.
3. If you survived step 2, make sure that you're not a man or if you got the wrong country.

Source: Dolls of India

Awesomeness: ☺

Publicity:         ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

Style:              ☺

Mess:              ☺☺☺☺

So remember, if you're planning to die in India, make it count. 

Meghna Patel, the modi tune and a self parody video

Some things just have to be made fun of. Then there are some things that are making fun of itself to such a level that you need to stand back in awe and grab a brick so that you can bash yourself in the head with it and say "Mynd bloving wonly!"

No, Chetan Bhagat didn't write an open letter to Arvind Kejriwal, I'm talking about the latest exhibitionist attention seeker anti-thesis of women's equality "artist" with a "political" "concern" Meghna Patel (there aren't enough quotation marks for this task). Meghna Patel took a leaf from Poonam Pandey's book and realized that if you need to be famous, you can just strip in public. It's not a popular strategy and it's just crazy enough to work.
She also let every woman in India know that it's not what's in her mind that counts, but what's under her bra that will change the fate of the nation. So she stripped, for India's most eligible bachelor.
But the thing that has brought her to greater heights is the recent music video she made with the 'modi tune' to voo horny Indian men to climax vote for Modi. It worked and I can say I've voted for Modi atleast five times since I saw the video. While I can easily say that the video is the most awesome thing on the internet, it'll be difficult for me to say why exactly. So here's a critical anal-ysis of Meghna Patel's magnum opus (who'll henceforth be referred to as Boobies, since the sheer density of consonants in her name impedes my less patriotic organs from functioning) 

So the video starts with some weird variant of the Surya namaskaaram with two random guys checking out some cleavage and one random guy checking out ass. There is a forth random guy who's checking out the third random guy for some odd reason and Boobies blossoms on screen like the silver coated lotus that she is. This is accompanied in the background with a chant which goes either "namonamonamonamo" or "no more no more no more no more". As though the video read my mind, it answers my question.

Red fort, meet the green screen

So that's who the song is about.
What's with the pose? Did he just toss something over his shoulder in style?

Then the 'song' begins with Boobies looking much more like a porn star than usual. More like an Indian low budget porn star with enough lipstick to send signals to the Andromeda galaxy about intelligent life being absent on earth.

Everything about this image is fake, even the Indian flag in the background was made in China

While Boobies is busy lipsynching to what she obviously though was a very patriotic tune, we are showcased images of famous landmarks in India. Since that's what makes India, old buildings. Even if the entire population was reduced to ashes since Shiva was having a bad hair day, India will prevail on, in the form of buildings.

A message is subliminally hit over our heads in the form of a chant which goes "Vote for Modi". I'm not sure how that's possible as we don't elect a Prime Ministerial candidate, we just vote for the party. Is Boobies suggesting that Modi is synonymous with BJP or vice versa?
The Random guys in the video don't question this logic and are just happy in getting some face time on screen. Next stop, Ram Gopal Varma's movie!

Are you sure there's enough Modi in this screen? I see a lot of white spaces. Hell, give that guy a Modi mask.

That's not how you play rock-paper-scissors!

A major geographical faux pas occurs in the form of the Indian map, which doesn't show:-

1. Andhra Pradesh split into three states
2. The Pakistan part of Kashmir
3. The Chinese part of North East
4. Lakshwadeep Islands
5. Andaman and Nicobar Islands 
6. The statue of Sardar Patel as seen from space
7. Sonakshi Sinha's forehead as seen from space

I resent that my state was the last to get coloured in this image. Modi doesn't have my best interests in mind.

How about we get to know more about our random guys? I froze the video at one point and tried to figure out who they were as real people from their expressions. I can't say I did a bad job as I'm very good at reading people's minds from their faces.

This is followed by my most favourite part. First, we're shown a montage of all the things wrong in India AKA the not-for-tourism-India commercial AKA Slumdog Millionaire is totally wrong man! I guess Namo will find a solution to these - poverty, famine, over population(take down bharathmatrimony.com I guess?), protests, more protests, candles, more candles which is really getting old by now. This is followed by the most EPIC scene where Boobies contracts some eye infection and chest congestion. We see her narrowing her eyes and a heaving chest of, well, guess.

EPIC!

Namo; pointing out the browser close button to you

They put on one more verse of just about the same nonesense so that you can have time to catch your breath after laughing your ass off for the previous shot. Blah blah blah, lame lyrics and other crap and BAM! Wardrobe change.

So she finally manages to NOT look like a porn star.
"Look how modern we are" "Oh wow! As India's youth, I can totally relate to that."

As though we enjoyed that wardrobe change, they hit us with another one. This time around, Boobies is wearing the tradition women's wear of the Muslims, of the 16th century. While Random guy 1 theatrically raises his hands to the air(like he just doesn't care) in the name of Islam while Random guy 4 does a namaste, which I'm guessing is Hinduism. They might as well have had the former be a butcher and the latter look like Tenali Raman.

Towel - check, crucifix - check, turban - check, tilak - check
We're all ready to represent the...WTF IS ON HER DRESS?!

At this point, we, the viewer and she the Boobies, both get tired of this tripe and she excuses herself, probably to touch herself thinking of Namo.

Screw you guy! I'm going home.

While she leaves, we're hit over the head with the message that Namo will no longer kill offend Muslims and that in fact, he LOVES Muslims now, shown by a montage of him hugging and doing other bromance stuff with Islamic leaders. This is when we're introduced to Singer guys 1 and 2(who pretend to sing) and harmonium player guy(who pretends to play the harmonium and is actually bored out of his skull), all of who have weird black birth marks on their forehead. Apparently the budget saved from lack of lyrics, choreography, production wasn't enough to hire ACTUAL Muslims to sing.

YAWN!

Why did I say 'yes' to this?

Random guys one through four are obviously impressed at how badly they're lip syncing to the lyrics and can over act. They comment among themselves this feat. This is good pacing and plot progression on the director's side when they're cutting back to the earlier characters and relating them to the current characters. 

Check out these guy, and we thought we sucked!

Boobies can't stand the attention being grabbed by (bad) Singers and she rushes to the screen and trains the camera onto herself. After all, this is all about her Namo, right?

To celebrate the ending of the video, everyone hugs it out while Boobies dances and cackles like the malicious manipulator that she is.

What're those two on the far right doing?

Finally, FINALLY, we're shown the page long credits, 90% of whom didn't do their jobs right.

Now that I spent to much time with this song, it's stuck in my head for a longer time. All I have to say is this, if you want nudity, get Sunny Leone, she knows what she's doing!

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, watch the below video at your own risk.