Anatomy of a Malayalam movie [New and 'Old' generation]

New Generation movies

Don't get me wrong, movies like Ustad Hotel, 22 Female Kottayam, Beautiful and Salt 'n' Pepper are among my list of favourite films. This is just for the other 95% of the movies any person with access to a camera, Adobe Premier and a rich Dubai relative's assets bring onto the box office.

Name : Random English words/Poetic Malayalam words

Poster : Face of the characters in the movie (minimum 5, maximum every cast member), all of whom are looking in random directions. Only two of the actors are previously known.

Written by : Unknown

Directed by : Unknown

Dialogue and Plot summary :

This movie is set in a city where everyone overdoes the colloquial slang.
The protagonist is morally ambiguous/weak.
Random character 1 : Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! 
Random character 2 : Weed! Weed! Weed! Weed! 
Random character 3 : (bleep)(bleep)(bleep)(bleep) !
A female character has sex and/or is raped.
Only recognizable actor : Whimsical poetry.
Random character 4 : Random reference to Old malayalam movie.
Someone gets drunk/stoned.
Random character 5 : Random spoof of recently released malayalam movie.
Random character 6 : Prostitutes! Prostitutes! Prostitutes! 
Someone dies abruptly. 
Random character 7 : How many random characters are there in this movie?
Only recognizable actor : My character has grown and I resolve to do things.
All sub plots remain unfinished.

The End.

Audience gives standing ovation having hardly understood anything of what transpired the past few hours. They discuss the improvement of malayalam cinema with their peer group, during the next social gathering.


Audience walk out shaking their heads in disappointment having hardly understood anything of what transpired the past few hours. They discuss the decline of malayalam cinema with their peer group, during the next social gathering.

Reviews : 

'Old' Generation movies

Don't get me wrong again, these are the movies that have come out since the Golden age of Comedy movies ended, sometime during the early 21st century. The ones that preceded those were of a different league entirely.

Name : Something ridiculously stupid.

Poster : That aging actor wearing a wig is in this movie. Since I will gladly give my life for him, I better go spend my hard earned money for his face lift.[Optional] Oh look! Fahad Fasal is also in this movie!

Written by : The personified ego of the main star.

Directed by : A once great director trying to feed his family.

Dialogue and Plot summary :

Insert poorly written songs and/or badly done action sequences every 5 minutes of the movie.
Old actor : Back story through stilted dialogue.
Superstar : Everyone loves my manliness/innocence. 
Everyone : Yes we do!
Obnoxious Young person : I don't!
Comic actor : These 'new generation' assholes!
Superstar : Women are nothing but tools.
Female characters : We agree!
Obnoxious Young person : Such wisdom! I admit the error in my ways.
The vanquished young person disappears.
TV actor with mustache : I'm a bad guy!
Superstar defeats bad guy and finds a cure for AIDS.

The End.


Dileep does the exact same things he did in his previous 978 movies.
Audience pay to see it for the 979th time.

The End.

People forget everything about the movie five minutes after they walk out of the theater. But atleast it was a 'nice family movie'.

Reviews : 

NaMo Yamadeva (Parody of Ra-ra-rasputin) - Lyrics

There lives a certain man in Gandhinagar now,
He is bright and saffron, with a white beard that is wow!
Minorities look at him with terror and with fear
But to Middle class prigs, his words they bring a tear.

Come to listen, to his many speeches
pulling many a crowd.
If you catch, what he really teaches,
Hitler would be proud.
NaMo Yamadeva!
Lover of a country clean
His heart is gold, his brain made of lead.
NaMo Yamadeva!
India's greatest spiel machine
You talk against him, and it's your head!
He ruled with a hand, both noble and so gay
With his other hand, he sold it on eBay.
His only competition? A dim witted child,
with a famous name and I liked the way he smiled.

For the people he was a holy leader
though they've heard the things he'd done.
They believed, he was the one to prefer
over the ones who now govern.
NaMo Yamadeva!
Owner of the India gene,
He only wants his love to be spread.
NaMo Yamadeva!
Hater of the colour green,
Atleast that's what his PR guy said!
But when his talking and preaching and his hunger
for power became known to more and more people,
the demands to make this man the Prime Minister
became louder and louder.
"This man is pure evil!" decalred his enemies,
But his fans were pissed "teri maa ki ankh" they wheeze.
No doubt this little man, had lots of hidden charms
he said yes to corps and ignored all the farms.

All the idiots, the facebook daily suffers,
shared and liked their latest craze
"I just love him, while the video buffers"
Regressing to their porn phase
NaMo Yamadeva!
Develop this nation please
you are the shiniest of the two turds
NaMo Yamadeva!
We will go down on our kness
and flock to you like domestic heards
NaMo Yamadeva!
We are out of ideas
We'll make a Big Brother, out of thee
NaMo Yamadeva!
Like the bloody Koreas
Destroy this planet with World War THREE!
... oooooooom namo kamala!

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