Top 5 ways to die in India

Note: All ratings are out of 5.


#5: Poverty


A dire consequence of a nation which promotes arranged marriage and motherhood is that everyone procreates, no matter their ability to raise the offspring. While the quelled middle class themselves are finding it difficult to raise children in this cruel and harsh world, people of lesser financial stature are 200% ensuring that the world is a worse place bring more children into it and thus giving the said child little choice but to suffer in it.
Now that you are poor, let's consider your options. If you live in the city, you can die of hygiene problems or of starvation. If you live in the country side, you can die of hygiene problems or of starvation. If you survive in either cases, you can die of neglect by a Government who knows you won't be interested in voting.
It's like playing chess with yourself while sky diving without a parachute. The only way you can win is by losing, and then you'll die.
If you do get above the ever descending poverty line, don't forget that inflation will beat you to it.


Source: The Syndian




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#4: Shame


Marrying someone you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Wearing what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Studying what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge? 
Eating what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Earning what you wanted to? Log kya kahenge?
Car not expensive enough? Log kya kahenge?
No children? Log kya kahenge?
Not enough children? Log kya kahenge?
Dark skin? Log kya kahenge?
Short? Log kya kahenge?
Too much hair? Log kya kahenge?
Too little hair? Log kya kahenge?
Born at the wrong time? Log kya kahenge?
Still alive? Log kya kahenge?

All of the above questions has two solutions.



OR



Image sources: http://ragemaker.net/, IBNlive.com, ngpod.cn, investwithalex.com


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#3: Accidents


Rules are for losers. Work is for idiots. So let's leave our work half done and break all the rules to do what is convenient for us. But if someone else does it, damn that person's soul to hell.
Of course, this causes just a minor problem known as inefficiency. This leads to even minor life threatening pit falls where someone loses a life. Yes, it's all fun and games till someone drowns, or falls off a building, or a building falls on them, or gets hit by a car, or simply forgot to pay the dowry.
As a service to you, I've already Googled 'accident' and found the images to be quite fascinating. You can do it yourself and think about what people will be talking about seeing your body in that condition.

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#2: Religion


Go ahead and make any reference towards any religion and/or their religious head(s). In a country where the right to religion(no qualification required) is more important than right to speech will lead to the most religious people having the grace of a blind club wielding gorilla riding atop a deranged rhinoceros on cocain. All you need to do is to point a question of "Why?" at the monster or even not be doing anything at all. What will follow is torture(physical and mental) followed by ostracization be all your peers, family and friends since it obviously is your fault.
Forget that all of the 'beliefs' are based on what your parents parroted to you, it's not your belief and your righteous indignation is righteous. More people have lost body parts, lives and loved ones in the name of the random events that you have no control of (aka god) than accidents, honour killings and poverty combined. 
Are those statistics accurate? You insult my god! Prepare to die. 






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#1: Girl


A girl is not what is going to get you killed, I meant you should simply BE a girl. From female infanticide to honour killings and beyond, women in India find it way easier to die than the opposite sex. Here are a couple of easy steps:-
  1. Born as a girl
  2. If you survived step 1, do something which you are told shouldn't be done.
  3. If you survived step 2, make sure that you're not a man or if you got the wrong country.
Source: Dolls of India

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So remember, if you're planning to die in India, make it count. 

4 comments:

  1. I think SHAME kills you but keeps you still alive as a dummy/puppet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hence a death with very little mess.

      Delete
  2. hi vinay,i watched your performace in chennai punchline.you are performer but i beleive you have more potential than doing humour that is humour with insight like what george carlin did. I like to watch more of your performace....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm still performing in Chennai and Cochin in the near future.

      Delete

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