#5 : Epic jabulani fail! [England 1 : 1 USA – League matches]
England has been one of the most consistent teams in FIFA World Cups for the past 4 decades. They've sucked consistently since their win in 1966. It's like they don't care anymore since they won at least once (a feat yet to be achieved in the Cricket World Cup – the only sport the British invented other than bad weather). Even Wayne Rooney, the awesome-est English striker hasn't scored in the past 2 world cups. Recently, the national spirit has been a bit down as well – "Should I pass to this guy? Oh wait, he plays for Chelsea. How about the Right wing? Damn Bugger! Blackburn Rover that one is. I guess it's all up to me then...I...I say, I do believe I no longer have possession of the ball. Well, that's the defender's problem now, bloody Manc bastard! I hope they score one past that self righteous red!". But all this pales in comparison to Robert Green being out smarted by the jabulani. A bad start to a worse World Cup for England. If this didn't demoralise them, then I'm sure the Germans eventually did.
"No one kick the ball this way ok? I lost my damn contact lens"
#4 : Exit Asia [Japan 3 : 5 Paraguay (penalties) – Round of 16]
For those who saw the match, are you still sleepy? Paraguay played dull and uninspiring football and most people just watched to see if Larissa Riquelme would run around naked at some point. I personally wanted an Asian team to go forward and/or see a penalty shoot out. After 120 minutes of my brain cells committing suicide(one at a time since they don't like each other), finally the shoot out began. The Japanese proved more than a match till a certain Yuichi Komano missed his spot kick. And that's the end of Asia's World Cup run and they all lived happily ever after, or did they? The Japanese Empire demanded action for the disgrace caused by the young football player. Since we live in the modern age, Komano asked for permission to perform Seppuku, the Japanese ritualistic suicide by cutting one's own abdomen thus restoring his honor as a player. His spilt intestines were later sold on eBay.
"Let's leave him here for dead from vuvuzela noise"
#3 : Worst referee ever! [Germany 4 : 1 England – Round of 16]
Did I say something about Germans demoralising the English? There was a point when Germany was 2 goals ahead when the demi God Frank Lampard, shot one past the keeper. It bounced off the top post and 1 foot INSIDE the goal line. The goalie saw it, the players saw it, the people in the stadium saw it, the martians saw it and the whole friggin' world saw it but the goal wasn't awarded 'cause the most important person on the field didn't see it. Before you jump to conclusions, you must know that the referee at the time didn't take his daily dose of Zinc that day. This Zinc deficiency caused temporary blindness that made him miss the most crucial point of the match and his career. Had England been awarded that goal, maybe they might have been inspired to win the match and enter the Quarter finals, or maybe they'd just have lost 5-2 to Germany. Who knows and who cares. Point being – NEVER and I mean NEVER miss out on your daily intake of Zinc, it could change the fate of a sporting nation.
Defying gravity and rules!
#2 : Hand of fraud [Uruguay 4 : 2 Ghana (penalties) – Quarter finals]
Luis Suárez should be beaten to death(slowly) for even thinking about comparing his impulsive foul play with Diego's glorified cheat. For all those who don't know about the Hand of God play, GO DIE! Uruguay won this match on penalties due to more experienced players. But before that fluke happened, during the last few seconds extra time, Ghana got the ball past the goalie but was blocked by Suárez with his hands. Why not go and punch the players from Ghana in the face, bitch? Speaking of which, he cried when he was red carded and Ghana got the penalty. As the penalty score would tell you, they are not very good at it. Long story short, spot kick not converted and thus the last African nation exits the World Cup. As for Suárez, he celebrated Ghana's missed penalty by taking his shirt off and jumping on his team mates. Such a dignified young man. Since he missed the next match, he took the time off to rape what little glory there was in football. Rumour has it, they're gonna add his name into the Uruguay national anthem henceforth.
"Since my head won't reach on time, I must improvise"
#1 : The oracle has spoken [Germany 0 : 1 Spain – Semi finals]
Paul the Octopus did it again. By picking the Spain flag, or by choosing the container which it thought was the better food, or by attempting to have sex with a plastic box which coincidentally contained the Spanish flag. Either ways, ever since Paul said Germany will lose to Spain, the Germans decided to play like losers and that one decision changed the outcome of the entire world cup. They could hardly touch the ground, much less touch the ball. The Spaniards just danced their way into finals as easily as Rakhi Sawanth danced her way into this idiotic society. All because a creature without a skeleton randomly picks stuff. Since we believe in invertebrates predicting events that are beyond their understanding, upcoming attractions of the next world cup will be – Sports injuries are a thing of the past since we use leeches to cure everything! Which team will win the World Cup? The team with the most virgin sacrifices of course! How will the weather be for day matches? It'll all depend at what speed the Sun is rotating around the earth. These all seem like interesting topics to tweet about. The height of idiocy surrounding this phenomenon and how they(jobless morons) will be talking about it even after Casillas lifted the World Cup makes it the NUMBER ONE turning point in the FIFA 2010 World Cup!
"Mmmmmmm! The future tastes goooooood!"
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