Tweet you!

2008

Fakit Modi : Hey guys! You mind if I create the most over hyped scripted sports phenomenon since WWE?

Public : No.

Fakit Modi : So do you mind if I make enough profit out of it to become obscenely rich?

Public : Not really.

Fakit Modi : How about I display semi nude foreign women to dance around with pom-poms?

Public : WHOA DUDE! That's against our culture and stuff. We will retaliate against this atrocity by watching, and thus promoting your event further.

Fakit Modi : I'll make this turban guy bitch slap the hell outta that show off dancer.

Turbanator : WTF?!

Show off dancer : Please slap me! I crave attention.

Public : Cat fight with men? WOW! Wait, which sport was this again?

Fakit Modi : $$$$$$$$$$$

2009

Fakit Modi : Will you give me extra security for my freak show in India?

Govt : NO!

Fakit Modi : Will you NOW give me extra attention for my freak show in South Africa?

Public : YES!

Gabriella Demetriades : Will you let me win "Miss IPL Bollywood"?

Fakit Modi : NO!

Mysterious blogger : Will you pay me extra to create more controversy?

Fakit Modi : $$$$$$$$$$$...I mean, YES!

2010

Sushi Taroor : Tweet tweet! I have an opinion about everything. Tweet tweet!

Public : OMG! WTF!

Sushi Taroor : Tweet tweet! Cattle class is good. Why do we need new visa guidelines? Public : Dude! That's sick.

Con-gress party : He's a menace to society.

Kajmal Ass-ab : Yeah!

Public : He's a witch! Burn him!

Sushi Taroor : Tweet tweet! Value my opinions plebes for I am learned-ed. Tweet tweet!

Gabriella Demetriades : Can I have a visa please?

Fakit Modi : Screw you!

Gabriella Demetriades : Can I have a visa please?

Suchi Taroor : Tweet tweet! OK!

Fakit Modi : WTF! I shall have my revenge before this flashback ends.

Announcement : This just in, the new teams are Kochi and Pune. They cost more than the other teams combined. Where is all this money going to?

Poor people : Not us.

Pensioners : Not us.

Na'vi : Not us.

Somalian Pirates : Not us....seriously!

Fakit Modi : HEY! I had ordered a Gujarat, not some South Indian crap team.

Keralites : OH WOW! Kerala will finally get a recognition in Cricket.

Sushi Taroor : Tweet tweet! I know my fellow lesser man. That's what I wanted for Kerala.

Keralites : OK! That's cool. Now are you gonna organize money to help out the poor farmers or do something that's not pointless? I mean, you ARE a government person after all.

Sushi Taroor : ..................Tweet................

Fakit Modi : Ok ok, how about this. The bloody South Indian team stays, BUT, it has to play all its "home" matches in Ahmedabad? How's that?

Sushi Taroor : Hey Modi, just between you and me, most of the profits of the Kochi go to my friend from Canada.

Fakit Modi : HUH?

Sushi Taroor : And get this, I'm gonna marry her. We have so many things in common – we both can't speak Malayalam, we both have been married twice before and we both are gonna share the profits of the Kochi team. But don't tell anyone ok!

Fakit Modi : Tweet tweet! Sushi corrupt! Tweet tweet!

Sushi Taroor : OMG! I totally didn't expect this after all those nice friendly death threats from him.

Fakit Modi : Tweet tweet! Profits go to friend from Canada whom he'll marry. Tweet tweet!

Sushi Taroor : He's using my weapon against me. I'm defenseless against Twitter. ARGH!

Fakit Modi : Tweet tweet! Taroor using nepotism in India. Government employee using powers to help friends and family. Tweet tweet!

ShobhaaAAaaAA De : Battle of the sexes! BLAH! BLAH! Sushi's Canadian friend a she-demon! BLAH! BLAH! Irrelevant comments! BLAH! BLAH! I'm 300 years old!

Con-gress party : He's a menace to society.

Sucky Sawant : Yeah!

Public : He's a witch! Burn him!

Sushi Taroor : How come no one is defending me?

Meanwhile,

Girl 1 : Hey everyone! I'm so pretty, look at me!

Boy 1 : I'm looking.

Girl 1 : OMG! You looked at me!

Boy 1 : But you told me to...

Girl 1 : You're totally violating me! PERVERT!

Boy 1 : WTF!

Girl 2 : That ain't nothin girl! I just walked through the door and this guy walks through the SAME DOOR 5 minutes later. Who does he think he is?

Boy 2 : WTF! <stops walking>

Girl 3 : Men really think of us as objects. I think I'll make a movie about this.

Boy 3 : I totally understand your feelings. My sympathies!

Girls : Our champion!

Big B : Listen girls...

Girls : OMG! I'm Big B. Can I have your autograph?

Lil B : You can have mine!

Girl 1 : Who the hell're you?

Girl 3 : OH! It's that...Mr. Aish Bachchan.

Lil B : <returns to the shadows>

Big B : Are you girls not over reacting. I mean those guys didn't mean anything when they.....

Boy 1 : DUDE! I totally LOOKED at Girl 1 like she was an object.

Big B : ...when....they...

Boy 2 : DUDE! I totally walked through the same door as Girl 2 after just 5 minutes!

Big B : ......uhhhhh.....

Boy 3 : DUDE! I totally sympathized with them, so that I could talk to them!

Big B : .....................

Boys : This must be what sex feels like <hi-fi>

Girls : Uh huh! You were saying Big B?

Big B : Guys! What was all that about?

Boys : Hey! Boyz will be boyz <hi-fi> with a 'z'!

Big B : That saying is for boys who buy hot wheels or watch cartoons or something. GOD! Girls, why do you pretend to be the weaker sex? Don't you know that in this digital age, the power of the keyboard is equally in your hands as well!

Girls : You're right! <grabs hold of keyboards>

Big B : So use them!

Girls : <beat the boyz WITH keyboards>

Boys : OK! We surrender, we'll change the 'z' back to an 's'!

Big B : Not exactly what I meant!

And so,

Sushi Taroor : So I'm screwed huh?

Fakit Modi : Pretty much!

Public : Burn him!

Sushi Taroor : Don't you know that Modi's event is just a front for betting and match fixing?

Public : Yup!

Sushi Taroor : Don't you know that Modi uses this to get his friends and family rich?

Public : Yeah.

Sushi Taroor : Don't you know that Modi has done all the things he has accused me of and more?

Public : We do!

Sushi Taroor : Then how come you're screwing me over?

Public : 'Cause you're a WITCH!

Sushi : <sigh> I shall tweet my resignation. God! Why did I ever come back to this country?