How to beat the Monday blues

Source: Some Des Moins University page



Call in sick [Level: Novice]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: Yes?
Me: Boss! I have a terrible headache.
Boss: What was that?
Me: I said that I have a terrible stomach ache.
Boss: Okay.
Me: So because of my terrible back pain, I won't be coming to office.
Boss: I wish you had at least tried to come up with a good excuse.
Me: I couldn't put my mind to coming up with something better due to this terrible neck pain.
Pros: Monday avoided.
Cons: Boss thinks you're an idiot.

Someone died [Level: Beginner]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: Yes?
Me: Boss! My paternal Grandfather's maternal Uncle's only nephew's daughter-in-law's husband's Mother's only grandchild is dead.
Boss: That's terrible, I'm sorry for your loss. (yawn)
Me: So I can't come to office.
Boss: Of course you can't, you're dead.
Me: Wait...oh!
Pros: Monday avoided, grievance leave.
Cons: Have to pretend to be sad, ghost of the person whom you killed will haunt you, Boss thinks you're a liar.

Marriage [Level: Medium]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: What is it?
Me: I'm getting married.
Boss: Whoa, when did this...
Me: It was all too sudden.
Boss: Congrats, what's the bride's name?
Me: Well,'s....where's the damn invitation card?...she's from a nice is....VINAY!
Boss: That's your name.
Me: I knew that.
Pros: Monday avoided, you're now married.
Cons: You're now married.

Threaten nuclear strike [Level: North Korea]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: You again?
Me: I won't come to office today.
Boss: What? Why?
Me: If you ask me, I shall have to retaliate with my full nuclear capabilities.
Boss: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Don't tempt me Boss. I won't hesitate to blow you and your company away.
Boss: Look man, I don't have time for this.
Me: You've given me no choice...시작 발사 순서!
Boss: ....(hangs up)....
Pros: Monday avoided, you've learnt Korean.
Cons: Possible unemployment, institutionalization at an asylum.

Kidnapped [Level: Not bad]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: Stop calling me!
Me: Boss! I don't have much time. They've got me!
Boss: What? Who?
Me: They've kidnapped me Boss.
Boss: WHA?!
Me: They've demanded that the Company pay up a ransom of 10% of my current salary.
Boss: Uh...mfff...Hello? I can't hear you.
Me: They just want a 10% increase. Please, they've worked so hard in kidnapping me.
Boss: See, they weren't proactive in their kidnapping. They also were in the same category of different kidnappers who'd kidnapped the CEO of the company. Relative performance wise, I felt...
Me: What're you talking about?
Boss: ... (hangs up) ...
Pros: Monday avoided, adventures lie ahead.
Cons: Possible death, no hike, multiple leaves.

Suicide [Level: Committed]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: WHAT?
Me: I'm gonna do it boss.
Boss: I don't care.
Me: I'm gonna kill myself.
Boss: Whatever!
Me: I've written your name in my suicide note.
Boss: WAIIII...
Me: .......
Pros: Monday avoided, Boss doesn't get hike, FaceBook attention.
Cons: Certain death, no more salary.

Religion [Level: Invincible]

Me: I can't come to office today.
Boss: What're you...why?
Me: 'Cause GOD!
Boss: Okay.
Pros: Monday avoided, messiah complex.
Cons: Crucifixion.


Assassination [Level: Badass]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: Please don't come to office anymore!
Me: Do you see a red dot on your shirt?
Boss: What is that?
Me: Now watch as it moves to your shoulder.
Me: Damn straight.
Boss: FUUUUUCK...I'M BEING SH.......
Me: Rest in peace bitch.
Pros: Monday avoided, alternate career option, being a bad ass.

Nuclear strike [Level: Hardcore]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: ...OT AT! AAAAAH!.... Wait, where am I?
Me: I won't come to office today.
Boss: What's going on...who is this?
Me: You have 10 seconds before a IBM, aimed at your crotch, hits it's mark.
Boss: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Inter Ballistic Missile. You should've figured this out from all the time you spend on Wikipedia. 3 seconds.
Boss: I don't know who you are, but I will find you and I will....
Me: Irradiate in peace bitch.
Pros: Monday avoided, being a hard core bad ass.
Cons: World War III.

Warp reality [Level: God]

Me: Hello? Boss?
Boss: ......
Me: That's right, you no longer exist.
Boss: ......
Me: Also, Mondays no longer exist.
Boss: ......
Me: But since Tuesdays became the new Mondays, I'd to get rid of Tuesdays as well. Then Wednesdays and so on and so forth till nothing exists.
Boss: .......
Me: .........Well, this isn't as interesting as I thought it'd be.
Boss: ........
Me: FINE! Let there be light!
Pros: Monday avoided, you are now God.
Cons: God now exists.



  1. LOLZ Man!!
    I like the religion theory because hell yes I use it!!
    Me- Hello Boss. I would be on leave today
    Boss- Why?
    Me- Today is a very important pooja of our family's temple's serpent God.
    Boss- OK cool.


    1. Level 7, not bad. I'd recommend an 8 though.


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