My Oscar predictions and why

Image source:

Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave

Why? Come on! It'll be controversial to NOT give this movie the Oscar. After going through all the trouble of depicting racism and slavery to it's fullest(by a black director, mind you) America's guilty conscience will have no choice but to give a toothy smile, sweat a lot and hand over the Oscar, under the ever watchful gaze of the Department of Cultural guilt. I'm not saying it's a bad movie, it'll probably affect me more than I could think of when I do watch it. I just hate America for being the richest country via slavery and then being kinda guilty(but not really) now.


Best Director: Steve McQueen

Why? The man does have talent in doing a long single take sans the background score and hardly any noise. He makes us focus on the actors and the actors alone and brings out the best in the them for his shot, sometimes without any dialogues as well. That being said, the critics go moist for any movie he makes giving it adjectives such as 'Powerful' and other synonyms. I just hate the critics who react the same way to something by Steve McQueen or any drab indie director making a tedious film. Damn hipsters!

Who I want to win - Alfonso Cuaron: Gravity might not be the perfect movie(troupes such as George Clooney stars as George Clooney) but it is the perfectly directed film. I just feel like an asshole for not liking the movie more. But the Danny Boyle-esque human drama kinda got in the way some of the time(some, not all). Alfonso Cuaron has shown what he can make with the weakest of the Harry Potter saga and he sure has hell made the best use of 3D(AKA the 10% extra cash gimmick). Are they going to Scorsese him and give him an Oscar 30 years from now?


Best Actor: Not Leonardo DiCaprio

Why? Like hell if I'd know. Probably he's a descendant of a Nazi party supporting family and none of the elitist Jews who run Hollywood want to give him any form of glory.


Best Actress: Cate Blanchett

Why? Watch Blue Jasmine and find out. Simply put, after Emma Thompson's Mrs. PL Travers in Saving Mr.Banks, this is the only other female protagonist I started out not liking at the start but later came to care for. It might just be Woody Allen's script, but it's probably Cate Blanchett.


Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto

Why? Jared Leto plays a Transgender woman in the movie Dallas Buyers Club. I haven't even seen the movie and from the trailers alone, I knew this guy hit gold with this performance. Firstly, it didn't look or sound like Jared Leto at all. The last I remember of this guy, he was shirtless and getting his face punched in by Edward Norton. Came a long way, man.

Who I want to win: Jonah Hill - The guy deserves it for his role. He was every bit as integral to the movie as Martin Scorsese and the script. He was funny and serious with his raspy voice and rich fat persona and I'm pretty sure most of his lines were ad libbed, especially the scene at the parking lot where the co-actor's annoyed reaction seemed legit.


Best Supporting Actress: I haven't a clue

Who I want to win: Jennifer Lawrence - Who wouldn't want Katniss to win?


Best Writing - Original screenplay: American Hustle / Blue Jasmine

Why? Having 'critically acclaimed' directors linked to these movies(David O Russel and Woody Allen respectively) would help their chances. Maybe the Academy wouldn't want to bank on the pedophile suspect Woody Allen and give the award to the absolutely over blown American Hustle. Maybe, they want to show their support to a fellow artist and give Mr. Allen the nod. Then again, those turkey buzzards tend to not be inclined that way.

Who I want to win: Her - Man and computer fall in love, how can such a clichéd sci-fi story with the least exciting sci-fi mundane plot be interesting? Spike Jonze tells us how. While some what a satire on man's over dependence on technology, it also tells a love story which I appreciated. And I don't appreciate love stories, seriously, I don't. Not even James Cameron love stories.


Best Writing - Adapted screenplay: 12 Years a Slave

Why? Same reason as before. The movie is adapted from the book written by Solomon Northup and based on the true events of his life. Those cringe worthy scenes are not even fictional real, they're actual events. Giving 12 Years an Oscar would once again be a nod towards the life and hardships of Solomon and the guilt thing

Who I want to win: Wolf of Wall Street - Come on! It was the best script of the year easily. The dialogues are great, the story line is great, the narrative is great, the tone is great and everything is so great! In an interview with script writer Terence Winter who said he wanted to capture the humourous and witty tone with which Jordan Belfort wrote his book. And that he did.


Best Sound Editing: Gravity

Why? One of the first things I noticed about Gravity was how the sound was really authentic(read: of poor quality). Then Sandra Bullock's character handles tools in the opening sequence and we hear what she's hearing, ie, the sound which reverberates through her suit and arm. Everything else, the dead silence of space and the occasional crackling of radio with George Clooney or Ed Harris talking.


Best Sound Mixing: Inside Llewyn Davis

Why? Listening to those songs in the movie made me feel like I'm there, live! As much as that sounds like a hackney film critic, it is also the truth. While you can choose to snooze during the songs, I felt they were the best parts of an otherwise tedious indie movie. Fine, well made tedious indie movie. Case in point, the last few minutes of the movie had a quartet perform at a café. They sounded more real than reality. Moments later, a gawky youth walks on stage with a guitar and harmonica. I failed to notice this moment, but when started singing I was like "Bob Dylan! That's Bob Dylan!". Recognition via sound alone shows something.

Best Production Design: American Hustle

Why? As I said before, it's an overblown movie that is still good. Since there are no dramas set in the Elizabethan era(or Eye-raq) this year, the Academy would have no choice but to give the award to the movie that closely resembles a period piece.

Who I want to win: Gravity - Apparently the tools and equipment used in the movie are the latest as per the testimony of an astronaut. Yes, I read that somewhere off the internet. No, I don't remember where it was. Yes, I think Gravity deserves an award more than American Hustle.


Best Cinematography: Gravity

Why? Dude, have you even seen the movie?
Best Makeup and Hairstyling : Dallas Buyers Club
Why? Have you seen Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto in the movie? Also, they're against movies like Jackass (yeah right the elitists will pick that one) and the insufferably bad Lone Ranger.
Who I want to win: Jackass presents Bad Grandpa - The entire movie premise is about a guy wearing Grandpa make up and pranking people without a script. It's not like a movie where there is already a suspension of disbelief since it's on the silver screen. In this case the makeup ACTUALLY has to fool people in real life from a few feet away. If the Academy were a bunch of cool people(like acknowledging The Dark Knight), they'd give it to this well deserving movie.

Best Costume design: 12 Years a Slave

Why? Arbitrary guess. Unless they want to make China feel represented in which case it would be the Grandmaster. Or they can have a chance here to commemorate a proper 'drama' and give it to The Invisible Woman. I don't really care.

Best Film Editing: Gravity

Why? DUDE! HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN THE MOVIE? Just go to YouTube and search for 'Gravity Tracking shot'.


Best Visual Effects: Gravity

Why? Is there anything in the movie that is real other than the actors? It seemed like the entire movie was made with green screen(kinda like the Star Wars prequels) and filled with breath taking visuals(kinda like the Star Wars prequels) and made us hooked for the entire duration of the movie without questioning the movie (completely unlike the Star Wars prequels). Also, why isn't Pacific Rim in this list? WTF elitists?!
Who I want to win: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - BEST. DRAGON. EVER.



Type it in human!

Contact me


Email *

Message *